Very Interesting Christmas Break
by misfyt
Summary: Over a very lonely Christmas Break, Harry decides to hang out with Draco. In the process he learns more about Draco (in more ways than one) than he imagined he ever would! A hilariously insane little love story featuring everyone's favorite, Drag!Draco
1. Default Chapter

It was Christmas break and Harry was bored shitless. All of his friends had gone home for the holidays. Well that's a bit of an understatement. Truth is that all but _six_ students in the _entire_ school had gone home. There were two Ravenclaws, two Hufflepuffs, one Slytherin, and one Gryffendor. He of course was the one Gryffendor, he had no idea who either the Ravenclaws or the Hufflepuffs were, and the Slytherin was none other that Draco Malfoy. It's not that he honestly hated Draco, it's just that he would have preferred not to be in a situation where he was so completely bored that he would contemplate begging Draco to be his friend. But that's pretty much what Harry was set off to do after three days of staring into space.

Harry had checked his Marauders Map to see that Draco was down in the Slytherin commons room by himself. Harry wasn't sure if he could get into the Slytherin dorms, but he figured that it certainly couldn't hurt to try knocking. So there he stood, banging on the Slytherin Portrait.

"Malfoy! Open up will you!" Harry yelled repeatedly.

Eventually the portrait swung open just a crack, showing only Draco's face.

"What on Earth are you on about Potter?"

"I'm bored."

"And you wanted to come over and play? Is that it?"

"Um…yeah."

"God Potter, you are so pathetic. What makes you think I'd want to hang out with you?"

"Well, I figured you might be bored too, since you're the only Slytherin staying. Aren't you bored?"

"Boredom, Potter, is self inflicted."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I am fully entertained, thank you very much. And that I do not depend on others to stave away my boredom."

"What on Earth have you been doing then? 'Cause I haven't been able to think of anything to do."

"It's none of your business," Draco said with a faint blush rising across his cheeks.

"Aw, come on Malfoy, can't you just let me in, I'm sick of being along."

"Well, I on the other hand happen to value my alone time."

"But you can't possibly intend to sit by yourself in your room the whole time do you?"

"That was pretty much the extent of my plan, actually."

"Now that's pathetic. I don't care what you say, I'm coming in."

"NO!" Draco tried to pull the portrait shut, but it was too late, Harry had already managed to force his way into the Slytherin commons room.

At first Harry's eyes strayed over the room, but then he looked back at Draco.

"Holy fuck, Malfoy!" was all Harry could think to say at first.

Draco stood there with a scowl on his face, his hands on his hips, and a pretty blue dress over his rather nice figure.

"I told you, you can't come in here."

"Malfoy, you're wearing a dress!"

"I could get you into plenty of trouble for being in the Slytherin dorms."

"Malfoy, who gives a fuck, you're wearing a bloody dress!"

"I'm waiting for you to leave."

Harry was completely dumbstruck that Draco had not lost a single ounce of his commanding, patronizing presence, despite the fact that he was wearing a lovely little blue gingham dress, which Harry noticed, brought out a few flecks of blue in Draco's normally silver eyes.

"Malfoy, if you make me leave, or get me in trouble with Snape, I assure you everyone is going to know that you fancy wearing little girls dresses. I am very trustworthy, and I assure you no one would doubt my word over yours."

Draco's scowl intensified as he reached back and shut the portrait behind him before sulking over to sit in an armchair next to the fire. Harry himself, moved to sit across from him.

"So Malfoy," Harry began in a light conversational tome, "how long've you been wearing skirts?"

"None of your goddammed business."

"Okay then. Exactly whose dress is that then?"

"I dunno, I just went through the younger girls dorms until I found one that fit me."

Harry couldn't help but laugh and relish in Draco's discomfort that was truly only evident by that slight pink tint in his cheeks. Otherwise Draco was perfectly composed.

"So do you care to explain just why you were prancing about wearing a dress?"

"I was just trying to amuse myself. I was bored, so sue me."

The two boys sat a while in silence, staring each other down.

"So…" Harry began, "Are dresses comfortable?"

"I think so. I mean, don't you find trousers constrictive sometimes?"

"I honestly never thought about it."

"Well you really should try it sometime."

"Um… I think that's okay."

"Why? I think you'd like it! Come on!" Draco stood up and dragged Harry out of his seat, pulling him across the room.

"Where are you taking me?" Harry asked for the first time thinking that coming here may not have been a good idea.

"I saw a real cute little green dress that would look adorable on you!"

"Oh my god."

Before Harry knew what was happening to him, Draco had pulled his shirt off of him and was shoving a green dress over his head.

"I feel stupid," Harry complained as Draco buttoned him up from behind.

"Well of course you do. You're still wearing your trousers underneath. Go ahead and take them off."

"No!"

"All right, then I will." 

Harry was too shocked to do anything before Draco had unzipped his jeans and pulled them down to his ankles.

"Okay, Potter, step out of them."

Automatically Harry pulled his feet out of his jeans.

"Now doesn't that feel better?" Draco asked merrily as he tossed Harry's clothing aside.

Harry just stared in disbelief for a while before answering.

"You are absolutely demented!" Harry shouted.

"Hey, you're the one who begged to come over and play with me. If you want to go back to sitting in your dorm room alone, go ahead. Otherwise, we play my way."

"I can't believe I am wearing a dress."

"What's wrong with it? I think you look wicked!"

"It's just so…breezy down there. I mean, I feel so exposed."

"Yeah, well it wouldn't so much if you had pants on down there. You know I really never suspected you to be the type to go commando. I'm use to it, of course, I think it feels good."

"You're not wearing any pants either!?"

"No, but then neither are you, so what's the big deal?"

Harry didn't respond, but blushed deeply. His thoughts went from wondering why on Earth he thought it was a good idea to hang out with Malfoy in the first place, then he wondered if Malfoy was insane or perhaps drunk, then he thought that he really wished he were drunk at the moment. As Draco began playing with Harry's hair, parting it to one side and fastening it with a hair slide, Harry decided that he couldn't take it anymore.

"Malfoy, stop. This is getting too weird. What's wrong with you? Are you drunk?"

"You're the one who was determined to know what I did in my free time, so what are you complaining about?"

"Look, I just had no idea you would go crazy and start dressing me in girls clothes."

"Hey, we all have our own ways of relieving stress, this is mine."

"Can't you just go and get drunk like everyone else?"

"I guess we can do that too, come on." Draco once again grabbed hold of Harry's arm and dragged him off.

"That's not really what I meant…" Harry complained ineffectually. Before he knew it, he was back in the commons room and Draco was shoving a bottle of alcohol in his hand.

"Spiked Pumpkin Juice?" Harry asked, reading the label.

"Yeah, it's good, go ahead, try it." Draco lifted his own bottle to his lips and took a deep swig.

Harry hesitantly took a sip, but finding it to be quite good, began downing it quickly. If he was going to be stuck wearing a dress, he might as well be drunk. It didn't take too long for both of them to become increasingly tipsy as Draco kept pulling out more and more bottles. Soon they both found themselves very easy with each others company, and Harry eventually came to think it the most natural thing in the world for he and Draco to both be wearing dresses.

"Ya know, Draccy-Baby," Harry said, now completely pissed, "you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

"That's _Draco_-Baby to you, Potty-Baby, and I'm _not_ a girl." Draco was equally drunk as Harry.

"Harry-Baby to you then. And of course you're a girl. You're too pretty to be a boy." Harry was now leaning over Draco and playing with his hair.

"But that would mean that you're a girl too, 'cause you're _definitely_ too pretty to be a boy."

"Hmmmm…tha's funny, 'cause I…I really thought I was a boy!" Harry looked thoroughly confused now.

"I don't think it matters, though. Does it?"

"I guess it doesn't!" Harry smiled, apparently relieved,

"Say, you know what we need? Music."

Draco got up and went to the other side of the commons room where he began fumbling with a strange magical box which soon began playing music.

"Come on Harry-Baby, le's dance."

Draco pulled Harry to his feet and wrapped Harry's arms around his shoulders, placing his own arms around Harry's waist. Slowly they began rocking back and forth, not necessarily in time with the music. Harry leaned his head close to Draco's, noticing that he smelled of roses.

"You even smell like a girl, Draco! Are you sure you're not a girl?"

"You know what I think…" Draco paused as if he were about to divulge one on the great secrets of the world. "It depends on what you've got under you're skirt!"

"Under your skirt?" Harry repeated, unsure. 

In order to test Draco's theory, Harry moved his hands off of Draco's shoulders and down his back towards his skirt. He began pulling it up to his waist, exposing Draco's naked backside.

"All I see is you're ass," Harry said, peering over Draco's shoulder. 

"I have an ass?"

"Yeah, it's a nice ass, too." Harry moved one hand on each cheek and grabbed them firmly.

"Do you think you have an ass too?" Draco asked as he began pulling up Harry's skirt. "OH! You have the most beautiful ass I've ever seen!" Draco said with misty eyed wonder. 

Draco leaned around Harry's body to get an up close and personal look at Harry's beautiful ass, lightly trailing his fingers down the middle, full of awe.

"You know, Harry, I never knew you had an ass. Was this always there?"

"Um… I think so. I never thought about it." Harry tried ineffectually to look at his own ass. "Is it really that beautiful?"

"It is! I mean just look at the way it…OOHHH!" Draco just then found the entrance of Harry's ass and was rather excited to learn that he could slip a finger inside. "Harry, tha's so cool! Did you see what I jus' did? I've never seen anything like it! Does my ass do tha' too?"

"I dunno, lemme see…Holy Crap it does!" Harry shoved his index finger deep into Draco's ass and started wiggling it around.

"Oh shit Harry! That felt good!"

"Um…Draco, I'm not sure, but I think you're…hard. Does that make any sense?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, like you were once soft against my front, but now you're…hard."

"Oh, you know, I think I noticed the same thing about you, but I didn't want to mention it. What do you think it is?"

Both boys broke their embrace and mutual ass exploration and proceeded to lift the front of each other's skirt.

"Hey Draco, you are a boy, look!"

"Yeah, you too!"

The boys stared a while at each other's impressive erections.

"So, uh, Draco, if we're both boys, then why are we wearing dressed?"

"Well…maybe we're gay!"

"Ooohh, that makes sense, then. But if were both gay, are you sure it makes sense for us both to be wearing skirts? I mean who goes where?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean, the one wearing the skirt is supposed to be on the bottom…I think…but we're both wearing skirts."

"Oh, tha's a tricky one tha' is. I don' really know. Perhaps, one of us should take off our skirt."

"Oh yeah, tha's a brilliant idea! Shall I take off my skirt then?"

"Um…okay. I think tha' sounds right."

With some assistance from Draco, Harry's pretty green dress eventually came off.

"Oh!" Draco exclaimed, trying not to cry. "You're the mos' beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

"No, Draco, I'm not supposed ta be beautiful, _you_ are. You're still wearing the dress, remember?"

"Am I beautiful then?"

"Draco, you are the most beautiful girl, um, I mean boy in the whole world!"

Harry moved closer to Draco and placed a big kiss on his lips. For a long time the two of them kissed wildly and passionately. It was Draco who finally broke the kiss by speaking.

"Fuck me Harry," he whispered breathlessly. "Please."

"Okay. How, though?"

"Um… I think…" long pause. "You put that," he pointed to Harry's hard cock, "there, where your finger was," he pointed to his own ass.

"Tha's brilliant!" Harry said as he threw Draco down on the couch, landing on top of him.


	2. The Morning After

The Morning After

There have been perhaps countless occasions in Severus Snape's life that made him think that there simply wasn't enough gold in Gringotts to compensate for the things he had been forced to witness as Head of Slytherin house. This was one such occasion. On one of the couches in the Slytherin commons room lay a very naked Harry Potter asleep and drooling on top of Draco Malfoy who was wearing nothing less that a blue gingham dress hiked up above his waist and whose arms and legs were wrapped around the aforementioned Potter in a very lewd fashion. On the floor all around them was what seemed like no less than a million empty bottles of alcohol. Snape looked around for any sign of Harry's clothes, but could only find a little green dress.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, why me?" Snape muttered, making his way over to the couch. "Potter, Malfoy, wake up this instant!"

Neither boy moved.

"Mr. Potter, I insist you get off of Mr. Malfoy this instant!" he roared.

"Mmmm…just five more minutes, Ron," came the sleepy response from Harry.

"Mr. Potter if you would bother fully waking up you would realize that you are not in Gryffindor Tower, I am most certainly not Mr. Weasley, and that is most certainly not your bed your draped across!"

"Not my bed? Huh? What're you…?" Finally Harry opened his eyes and realized that what he had been using as a bed was in fact Draco Malfoy. "Oh Shit!"

At that Draco finally began to stir. "Shaddup would you? I'm trying to sleep," he said without opening his eyes.

Draco just gripped Harry even harder and nuzzled him like a teddy bear. At first Harry was too shocked to do anything but gape at Draco with his mouth hanging open. Glancing over his shoulder briefly, though, he remembered that Snape was glaring down at them furiously, which spurred Harry into action.

"Malfoy, would you wake the fuck up!"

"Goddammit, I SAID I was trying to sleep!" Finally Draco's eyes opened and registered at last whom it was that he was gripping like a teddy bear. A very naked Harry Potter.

"Holy Fuck Potter! What's your problem? Get off Me!"

"I would in a second, Malfoy, but it would help immeasurably it you would LET GO of me first!!!"

If Draco was embarrassed to have had all of his appendages wrapped intimately around Harry, he made no show of it. He merely removed his death grip and shoved Harry onto the floor. It was not until that point that Harry and Draco realized fully their state of dress, (or in Harry's case, complete undress). Draco instantly pulled down his dress, which had found its way around his chest somehow. Harry looked frantically around for his clothing, but finding none here merely tried to cover himself up with his arms.

"Dare I even ask what the meaning of this is?" Snape demanded.

A long silence followed.

"Let me guess, you can't remember," Snape said sarcastically.

"Well…honestly I can't," Draco finally admitted.

"Me neither," said Harry, eyeing Draco's dress with apprehension, "but I'm not sure I really want to."

"Oh good lord." Snape looked like he was about to be sick. "All right, you know what? I want no part of this. You two sort this out on your own. Oh, and Potter," Snape bent down to pick up a small pile of green cloth, "I suggest you get dressed." He threw the dress at Harry.

"This isn't mine!" Harry whined.

"I dare you to find another piece of clothing in this room," he said with a roll of his eyes before leaving the room.

Once they were alone Harry and Draco eyed each other nervously.

"You don't think we…do you?" Harry couldn't bear to put into words what it really looked like they had done the night before.

"I'm in all honestly trying not to think at all, Potter. It's not every day I wake up with a hangover, a dress pulled up to my armpits, and a naked Harry Potter wrapped around me."

"Excuse me! Might I remind you that it was you who had your legs wrapped around me like some depraved slut!"

"Slut!? Might I remind _you_ that at least I kept my clothes on!"

"Malfoy, you're wearing a _dress_, I wouldn't boast!"

"Well I bet you anything that it was you who made me wear it, you pervert!"

"Yeah, well considering how high you had it hiked up, my guess is that you were a pretty eager receiver!"

At that Draco's face blanched.

"You had better not be insinuating what I think you are."

"What? That Draco Malfoy likes to take it up the ass from none other than Harry Potter? You better believe that's what I'm insinuating. Face it, you were on the bottom and you were the one wearing the dress. It's pretty obvious that you're a pussy!"

"I am _not_ a pussy! And Malfoys do _not_ take it up the ass!"

"I beg to differ and I'd like to take this moment to point out that you seem awfully comfortable in that dress! So don't bother telling me you're not a pussy!"

This line of argument was beginning to really disturb Draco. For, though at the moment he really couldn't recall where this current dress had come from, he had been known on occasion to don a dress if the mood struck him. He really didn't want to think that it meant he was a pussy. Denial is not only a river in Egypt, after all, and Draco was deep in denial. Fortunately for him Harry's attention had wandered and he did not see the look of discomfort on Draco's face.

"Where the fuck are my clothes!?" Harry yelled suddenly as he started pacing the room, searching for anything other than the little green dress.

"If you ask me, it's fairly obvious that you came wearing that dress and you ought to leave in the same manner," Draco said with a satisfied smirk.

"I am positive that I did not show up here wearing this dress."

"Could fool me. But you know Potter, I really don't think it matters one way or another, 'cause either way, you're going to have to leave wearing it."

"No Way! My clothes have got to be here somewhere!"

"Well they're not! You could always continue your tasteless habit of wandering around naked."

"If you don't like it, you can bloody well help me find me own clothes."

"You know, I really don't feel like helping out people who call me a pussy, so I think I'll just sit here and watch."

"Why? You get off watching me walk around naked?"

"Fine, I'll help you look, but only because watching your naked ass is making me ill."

Normally Draco wouldn't ever have helped anyone, least of all Harry, but frankly it disturbed him just how much he was enjoying watching Harry walk around naked. So the house-wide search for Harry's clothes began. Harry searched frantically and Draco mainly walked around behind Harry, only _looking_ like he was searching, but really he was just watching Harry's ass. Unfortunately it never occurred to either of them to look in the first years girls dorm where Harry's clothes had been kicked halfway under Madaline Ditmer's bed.

"You might as well give up, Potter, as I said, it's obvious that you showed up wearing that dress and I'd appreciate it if you would just put the damn thing back on and go back to where you came from."

Harry looked crestfallen; he really didn't want to walk through the halls of Hogwarts wearing a dress, even if there were only about a handful of people around who might see him. But the fact remained that could not find any trace of Harry's clothing.

"Please, Malfoy, can't I just borrow something of yours, I'll give it back, I promise! Besides, I'm positive you had something to do with why I can't find my clothes."

"Okay, how about I loan you this pretty little number," Draco gestured to the blue dress he was wearing.

"Aw, come on, Malfoy, I'm serious! You've got to help me out, I can't go out there wearing a dress!" Harry looked like he was about to have an emotional breakdown.

"Fine," Draco said very reluctantly. "But only because I really don't want to see you start crying."

Draco marched off to his room, indicating that Harry should follow. Once in his room he went straight to his closet and came back out with a pair of black trousers and a grey cashmere jumper, which he handed to Harry.

"Um…I was just thinking of something casual, like jeans and a t-shirt."

"You're going to be picky? These _are_ my casual clothes."

"Whatever." Harry shook his head and started to slip on the trousers. "Hey, you aren't gonna mind me wearing these without any pants on underneath, are you?"

"Makes no difference to me, I go commando myself, anyway."

"Hmm! Suit yourself, I just thought you might be disturbed by the fact that my piece would be rubbing up against the inside of your trousers."

"Yes, well I rather fancy that nothing I will ever experience in life will be as disturbing as my rude awakening this morning to find your "piece" rubbing up against _my _piece."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot that."

"Hmph, I assure you I'm desperately trying to forget it myself. I think I'd gouge my brain out with a spoon if I thought it'd help. Now shut up and get dressed, I want you out of here as soon as possible!"

Harry hurriedly threw on the clothes and glanced briefly at himself in the mirror.

"Well, needless to say I look like a poncy git and…Who the fuck did my hair!?" Harry immediately took the flowery hair slide out and returned his hair to it's usual mussed up state. "I blame you entirely for this, Malfoy. I'm not entirely sure what went on last night, but I'm sure it's entirely your fault!"

"My fault!? You think this was some elaborate plan I've had? Oh yes, I'm bored, why don't I just dress up like a girl and lure Harry Potter into my clutches, get him drunk and convince him to fuck me, just so that I can try and trick him into accidentally leaving wearing a flowery hair slide! I am sorry, but that hardly falls under the category of dastardly plans had by Draco Malfoy. I'm telling you Potter, you're completely delusional and might I remind you that despite the fact that you managed to loose your clothes somehow, that you seem to have come out at the better end of this whole debacle! At least you aren't wearing a dress and at least you don't have to worry that the whole world might find out that you got fucked by your arch nemesis! I mean, I may be scarred for life. You have no idea how many years of therapy I may have to go through to get over whatever may or may not have happened last night!" Draco was well into hysteria by now and was about to hyperventilate.

"Christ Malfoy, get a grip! I mean, you can take the dress off anytime you want, it's not permanent."

"Don't you see, though, even if I do…take…off…this…fucking dress," Draco pulled the dress off over his head and threw it aside as he spoke, "it doesn't change anything at all! Here, look at me, no dress!" Harry was indeed completely aware that Draco had no dress on and was desperately trying to keep his eyes focused on his face, and not lower down, it was a loosing battle. "But does it change those things you said about me? No! You probably still think I'm a pussy and that I took it up the ass, nothing will change that! I am going to be branded for life as a pussy! I can't handle that! I think I'm going to have a mental break down!" Draco had now fallen on the ground, had his head between his knees, and was practicing the deep breathing exercises his therapist had taught him.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, what do you think is going to happen? You think I'm going to go around telling everyone what happened last night? I assure you that's the last thing I am ever going to do. It would be damaging to my reputation as well, you know. And frankly, I think Snape was so disturbed by the whole thing that he's likely never to speak again!"

"Are you sure?" Draco pulled his head up from his knees and looked at Harry.

"I swear to god! And you know what Malfoy, I don't think you're really a pussy. I mean you're a total bad-ass bitch!"

"Bitch!?" Draco started hyperventilating again.

"Okay, not bitch, sorry. Something less feminine? How about I think you're a complete asshole?"

"Asshole!?" Draco put his hands protectively over his bottom.

"No, I really didn't mean to imply anything about that. Um… I know what you are! You're an evil manipulative bastard! Everyone thinks so, honestly!"

"Really? You're not just saying that?"

"I'm not just saying it, you're the most evil bastard I've ever known."

Draco smiled wistfully for a moment, then his face hardened into his trademark sneer.

"Okay then, I think you've over-worn your welcome. Now get the fuck out of here before I change my mind and I make you walk out of here butt naked."

"See, that's the Malfoy we all know and love." Harry smiled.

"I meant it dillweed, get the fuck out of my room."

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving."

Harry made his way to the portrait hole and opened it up to leave. Just before closing the portrait behind him, though, he poked his head back in the door and hollered, "By the way Malfoy, you do look awfully cute in blue gingham!"

"OUT!!!!"

As Harry headed back to Gryffindor he chuckled a bit to himself at Draco, but then he remembered waking up on top of Draco in a dress and shuddered. He wondered momentarily if gouging his brain out with a spoon would help at all.


	3. Draco's Revenge

Draco's Revenge

When Harry got back to Gryffindor Tower the first thing he did was glance at the large clock; it was eleven-thirty, he had definitely missed breakfast and lunch was only a half hour away. 

"Great," Harry muttered to himself. 

Harry climbed the stairs to his dorm room where he tore off Draco's clothing and headed for the showers, crossing the hallway completely in the buff. Usually Harry would have worn a bathrobe, being as he was a bit squeamish about being seen naked, but currently there was no one to see him.

//You didn't seem too squeamish just now when you were walking around naked in front of Draco// an irritating part of his brain pointed out all of a sudden.

"How you do know? I could have been very uncomfortable!" Harry retorted.

//Nonsense, if you were that uncomfortable you would have put on the goddammed dress instead of prancing about naked in front of Draco Malfoy for the better part of an hour. Besides, of course I know you weren't that uncomfortable, I'm you. Remember?//

"And you're point is?"

//No point. I was just thinking it was rather odd you walking around naked in front of Malfoy, that's all//

"Whatever." Harry really didn't want to continue this conversation, even if it was only with himself.

Harry quickly showered and got dressed in his own clothes. He really didn't think it would be such a good idea if he were to show up to lunch wearing Draco's clothes.

//Pity// the irritating voice in Harry's head said //they were really quite nice clothes and they kind of smelled nice, like Malfoy//

"Are you on crack?" Harry demanded of himself. "You looked like a git in them, and you don't even know what Malfoy smells like, let alone whether he actually smells good."

//I do too know what he smells like, he smells like roses!//

"And how prey do you know that!?"

//I get around// the voice in his head said with a sly, knowing grin.

Harry was about to object to that last statement wholeheartedly until he remembered that morning and concluded that it was probably true. It irritated him to no end, however, that there was a possibility of the voice in his head remembering more about the night before than he did. Of course the fact that his memories of the previous night amounted to precisely none made it extremely likely that the voice in his head knew more than he did. For a moment he considered asking the voice just how much he did remember, but then Harry decided that as it was he already knew far more than he ever wanted to.

Before heading down to lunch, Harry checked in the mirror one last time to make sure that he looked completely normal. He was glad to have done so, for the last time he looked at himself he was wearing Draco's turtleneck and wasn't able to see the clearly defined hickey on the side of his neck.

"Ew," Harry said in a pained voice. Harboring deep suspicions with strong evidence that you had been getting it on with Draco was one thing, seeing Draco's teeth marks on your neck was something entirely different.

//I bet you anything you had fun acquiring that tasteful little mark//

"Shut the fuck up!" Harry shouted at himself as he threw off the shirt he'd been wearing and searched desperately for a turtleneck among his clothes.

Once he was appropriately covered, Harry made his way down to lunch. He honestly would have preferred skipping, but as he already missed breakfast, he was quite hungry.

//Not only that, but getting it on with Malfoy probably gave you quite the appetite!//

"I told you to shut up!"

"Talking to the voices in your head again, Potter?" came a drawling voice behind Harry. "They say it's a bad sign, you know."

"Well I guess you'd know, wouldn't you Malfoy. How many voices have you got in there now? At least three I'm assuming."

Draco was about to adamantly deny having ever heard voices in his head when one of them said:

//Remember, Draco, Dr. Braunson said that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery//

**That's right, so the least you can do if you don't want to admit our presence is to try not to adamantly deny that we exist!**

^^Yeah, 'cause you know we don't like it when you ignore us!^^

"I don't know what you're talking about, Potter," Draco said with only a hint of a twitch in his left eye. "By the way, I see you were sensible enough to wear a turtleneck," he smirked, eager to change the subject, though a fourth voice in his head was asking him:

##Why on earth would you want to change the subject to _that_ of all things!?##

It only then occurred to Harry that Draco had known what he was doing when he handed him that poncy cashmere turtleneck. 

"Yes well I don't blame you, Malfoy, really I don't. It's only natural that you'd have to bite down on something while I was pounding your ass."

##What did I tell you, Draco? You are a complete Pansy Assed Moron!##

The twitch in Draco's eye could now be seen from a mile away. Draco was currently undecided whether to kill himself, kill Harry, or kill everyone else in the whole world when he was caught off guard by a fifth voice that he had never heard before.

~You know, I saw that hickey this morning, and it really looked like you had fun putting it there!~

"What!?" Draco said out loud, though the comment was meant to be directed to the unknown fifth voice.

"Do you really want me to repeat it?"

"Huh? No! Of course not, I wasn't even talking to you."

"Then who _were_ you talking to?" Harry looked up and down the corridor, but saw no one.

"I wasn't talking to anyone. Really Potter, I'm beginning to think you're on crack." Draco sneered and started walking away, eager to get out of that conversation.

"He thinks _I'm_ on crack?"

//Hey, even I think you're on crack.//

"I thought I told you to shut up!"

At lunch Draco decided that the best course of action was to not talk to anyone and act really snobby. Best defense system in the world, he often thought. If you don't say anything, no one can accuse you of being off your rocker. He listened in on the conversations for a while, but eventually found them to be mind-numbingly boring, so he mainly shut down for the rest of the meal, only catching one in five words at the most. 

On the whole Draco was immensely proud of his performance, no one would ever know that there was anything wrong. It was a perfectly normal day, just like any other. He did not wake up that morning wearing a dress and hugging Harry Potter. He did not even once glance at Potter's ass in anywhere near a lustful manner. He never in his whole life took it up the ass or even thought he might like to. He _definitely_ was not thinking that he wished he could remember what it was like to have Harry Potter fuck him. And he **_most_** definitely was not wondering what he would have to do to convince Harry of doing it again. But above all Draco was positive that there was no way anyone could ever possibly accuse him of being a…

"…Pansy."

"What!? How dare you? I am not a pansy! You take it back!" 

The whole table stopped everything they were doing and stared en masse at Draco.

"Um…no one was suggesting anything of the sort. We were just talking about Pansy Parkinson."

If anyone missed the twitch in Draco's face it was because they were completely blind. 

"I know that Potter. You think I didn't know that? Really…of course I knew you were talking about Pansy Parkinson. Jesus Potter, you are so thick sometimes." 

Draco went back to eating his breakfast as if nothing happened. Everyone continued staring at Draco for a little while, but they eventually went back to their previous conversations.

Externally Draco managed to look completely composed and normal once again. Internally, though, four of the five voices in his head suggested that he might as well kill himself now and put him out of his misery. Truth was that Draco honestly was a bit of a coward in that area and he begged desperately for the voices to give him another option, any other option. The fifth voice spoke up with a rather unorthodox idea. Normally Draco would never listen to the newcomer, but as the original four voices still couldn't come up with an idea other than killing himself, he was up to anything. So voice number five lay out his grand plan and Draco decided that that evening after dinner he would put the plan in action.

~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry was sitting alone in the Gryffindor commons room, just staring into space when he heard a knock on the portrait hole.

"Let me in Potter!" Draco shouted loudly.

Harry went over and opened the portrait.

"What on earth do you want, Malfoy?"

Draco ignored the question and barged in, shutting the portrait behind him.

"Um…okay. Why don't you come in, Malfoy? No really, I insist."

"Shut up, Potter, and put this on." Malfoy threw something at Harry's face.

"Huh? What is…? Oh my god, Malfoy, you really are on crack, aren't you? What makes you think I want to put this stupid dress on?"

"You know, Potter, I really don't care what you want. Now put on the goddammed dress!"

"And if I say no?"

"Then I'm personally putting it on for you."

"I'd like to see you try."

In a split second Harry regretted his words. Draco wrestled him to the ground, pulled his clothes off him, and had the dress over his head before he had time to blink. It honestly never occurred to Harry that Draco was that strong or forceful.

"Okay then, may I ask why I'm currently wearing a dress?"

"The way I see it, I didn't have much of a choice in what happened last night, so you don't get a choice in the matter either."

Draco stood up and promptly removed all his clothes.

"Oh my god, Malfoy, you're not serious are you?

"I'm completely serious, Potter. I plan on taking from you what you took from me, completely fair and square. An eye for an eye if you will."

"You've gone mad. Please tell me that you've gone mad. I mean, technically neither of us remember what happened last night. For all we know nothing happened at all!"

"Well something sure as hell had to have happened, and I know full well what you _think_ happened and that's enough for me. I am not going to stand by and let you think you ever treated me like a pussy. Since I can't necessarily change that, though, I'm just going to have to do something about it. And since I'm done proving that there's very little you can do to stop me, I recommend that you try to be as agreeable as possible and do what I say, that way maybe we can both have some fun tonight."

"Oh my god," Harry said weekly.

"All right then, how about you go and sit…hmm," Draco scanned the room briefly, "Yes, go and sit in that oversized armchair by the fire."

Harry reluctantly crossed the room and sat down, neatly arranging his skirt so that he was fully decent.

"Don't bother being so prim, Potter. I assure you that your skirt isn't going to be hanging out anywhere near your knees."

"I don't believe this is happening to me."

"Get used to it Potter. All right, now indulge me. If you could just put your feet up on the chair with your knees up. Right, now spread your knees apart… no further apart. Oh that's nice. And let's pull your skirt up a bit more…perfect. Can you put your arms up over your head? No like this, Draco grabbed his wand and cast a spell so that Harry's arms were stuck over his head. Wow, that's amazing!" Draco stepped back to admire his work. "You know, splayed out like that, you look like a perfect cross between a virgin sacrifice and a whore, exactly the look I was going for. I really wasn't sure you could pull it off."

"Malfoy, this has got to be the single most degrading experience of my life."

"Yeah, well guess how I felt this morning! Now shut up and let me do this."

Harry shut his eyes and prepared himself for the worst.

It had truly been Draco's every intention to simply fuck the daylights out of Harry and leave, no feelings, no remorse, no sentimentality, no nothing. Something went wrong, though. As soon as he knelt down before Harry and got a good look at him, Draco didn't want to just fuck him, he wanted…he wanted…he wasn't sure what he wanted. But before he could make up his mind he realized that he had reached out his hand and was touching Harry gently.

Harry wasn't entirely sure what he expected Draco to do to him, but whatever it was it wasn't this. This was…pleasant. Really pleasant. First he felt Draco's hand just gently cupping his balls with such care as if he thought they might break. Draco left one hand cupped underneath while the fingers of his other hand began tracing delicate patterns lightly over his cock. Harry closed his eyes and began to relax under the feeling of Draco's hands massaging his balls. He only opened his eyes again when he felt a new sensation that he couldn't place. He looked down and was surprised to see Draco Malfoy's head buried in his crotch.

//Holy Fuck! Will you look at that!? Malfoy's got _his_ mouth wrapped around _your_ dick!//

Harry did look and he could scarce believe his eyes. But even if his eyes were suspected to be unreliable, his cock was fully aware of what he was doing. At first Draco was just lazily running his tongue up and down the length of Harry's cock, every once in a while pausing to trace a circle around the tip. But then all of a sudden Draco took the whole thing in his mouth! As he began sucking Harry and moving his mouth rapidly up and down his cock, Harry realized two things. One: Harry had never seen anything hotter in his entire life than Draco Malfoy's face between his thighs. And two: He was going to come in like two seconds!

"Malfoy, I don't know what your plan is here, but if you don't stop now I'm coming in your mouth!" Harry managed to shout out, despite his shortness of breath.

Draco didn't stop, though; he just kept on frantically pulling Harry's cock in and out of his mouth. Harry would have stared dumbfounded at Draco as started shooting load after load in Draco's mouth, but as is was, he was slightly preoccupied, namely with the act of having an amazing orgasm. When he was able once again to focus on something other that the huge amount of physical pleasure he just went through, Harry looked down and saw Draco lick his lips and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand.

//Sweet Jesus! He swallowed it all didn't he!?//

Finally Harry had recovered enough presence of mind to stare dumbfounded at Draco. Harry was sure that being forced into a dress, bound, and raped did _not_ involve receiving the best blow job of his life, not that he had ever had a blow job before, but that really wasn't the point. 

"Um, Malfoy, not that I'm complaining or anything, but I thought you were here to rape me, not suck me off."

Draco looked up at Harry with his most irritated glare. Harry's comment was irritating in and of itself, but combined with the fact that three of the five voices in his had just said the same thing, he was getting really irritated. It also didn't help that voice number four just kept calling him a pansy assed moron and that voice number five kept screaming 

~Do it again! Do it again!~

"Shut up dork. I'm the one in charge here, not you. Besides I'm not finished, obviously," he said, addressing his own still very hard erection. " I just felt like sampling the merchandise, that's all."

//Whatever// the voice in Harry's head scoffed.

Harry leaned his head back and watched Draco with half lidded eyes as he searched around on the ground for his wand. Over all Harry felt remarkably calm and relaxed and thought he wouldn't mind taking a short nap, so his eyes soon fell shut. He was vaguely aware of Draco finding his wand, but he really wasn't paying that much attention. Draco instantly got Harry's undivided attention, though when he shoved his wand up Harry's ass

"Lubricantate!" Draco muttered, filling Harry with a cold, slick goo. 

"Holy Fuck Malfoy what do you think you're doing!?"

"Well you didn't really expect me to fuck you dry, did you?"

"Um, no…but I really didn't expect you to ram your wand up my ass either!"

"Simply the most efficient way I could think of doing it."

"Hmph…well next time you come up with an 'efficient' idea you can do us all a favor and shove it up your own ass."

Despite himself Draco laughed. 

"That would completely defeat the purpose, though. The whole point is that I'm supposed to be shoving it up your ass." And with that said, he did.

Harry couldn't help but cry out as the whole of Draco's cock was planted firmly inside his ass. Though he was indeed surprised at how well Draco's spell worked. According to the physics of the matter, there was simply no way that it should have slid in as easily and as comfortably as it did. Thank Merlin for Magic! Nonetheless, it was a very disconcerting thing to have that much of Draco shoved inside of him. Harry took a while to ponder how he felt about the dynamics of the situation. Really, it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be. It was frankly kind of a nice feeling once he got use to it. The only problem was that…Draco wasn't moving at all. Harry looked down and saw that Draco appeared to be frozen still, just staring intently at him.

"Is this all right? Do you mind if I move now?" Draco asked with a slightly concerned look.

"Christ Malfoy! You're supposed to be raping me, not asking me for a dance! Now would you get on with fucking me already!" 

"Oh right, sorry."

Immediately Draco's face hardened and with renewed determination, he began pounding Harry's ass. Perhaps even more disconcerting to Harry than the unusual occurrence of having Draco's cock inside of him was the most peculiar fact that he _really_ liked it! Harry planted his feet a bit more firmly on the edge of the chair and began moving his hips back and forth to meet Draco with every one of his thrusts. Harry started moaning loudly every time Draco's cock went over his prostate gland. 

"Oh….Yes….Yes….Oh shit…Christ that's.…Ooohh….Yes….Holy fuck….Oh….Maalfoyy….Yeessss!"

Harry couldn't believe that it was humanly possible to feel that good under Draco Malfoy. He never thought he'd ever think such a thing, but being raped by Draco was turning out to be the most incredible experience of his life. As soon as Harry felt Draco's cum shooting inside of him he started spraying his own cum for the second time that evening, this time all over Draco's stomach and chest. Finally both boys were spent and Draco fell on top of Harry, their chests rising and falling in unison as they fought to catch their breath. 

"God that was amazing," Harry heard Draco mutter. Harry wanted very much to be able grab hold of Draco's head and turn his face towards him. His hands were still magically bound above his head, though. So instead, Harry nudged the top of Draco's head with his chin to get his attention. Draco turned to look at Harry, for a while they just stared into each other's eyes. Draco shifted slightly closer towards Harry's face and Harry got the distinct impression that he was about to be kissed, so he closed his eyes. He barely had time to register the fact that he probably wasn't about to be kissed when Draco punched him in the face, knocking him out cold.


	4. Alone With Their Thoughts

There is a moment between sleeping and waking when one is still stuck in the dream world, yet one's mind has become active enough that one believes that they're awake. It is at this time that one's dreams and fantasies come to life. This is exactly where Harry found himself. It was Harry's favorite time of day; it was where he could revel in his innermost fantasies without any worry as to the repercussions.

Harry's current dream was by no means unfamiliar to him, though for some reason there were a few key differences that he'd never noticed before. Most of his dreams at this time of the morning involved flesh on flesh. Some unseen lover (granted, usually male) who would explore Harry's body with his hands, lips, fingers, teeth. It was often an impersonal dream, but satisfying nonetheless. But this morning it was different. This time the dream seemed far more real than ever before. Never had the hands felt so read against his flesh, never had the mouth seems so warm, never had the dream been so complete, never before had his lover so fully consumed him, filled him, satiated his lust. This was the first time that his dream focused on the fact that it was in fact a real person making love to him, rather than a faceless body. This time Harry knew that his lover was real. In his dream Harry reached out to pull his lover towards him. He _was_ real. For the first time, Harry looked into his lover's deep grey eyes and ran his fingers through the soft platinum hair. Harry drew his lover even closer so that their lips were almost touching and he could feel his lover's warm breath on his face.

"I love you Draco," Harry whispered before drawing his lover in for a kiss.

Waking up was the one bad part about these dreams. There was always a split second where there was nothing truer than that dream, then like a flash, Harry would be fully awake and realize that it had all been a dream and that he was in fact alone in his bed. It perhaps wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for that one euphoric second where Harry always believed it to be true. That somehow made the realization of the truth ten times worse. Waking up this time, though, Harry was not disappointed, not at first. This time Harry knew, even after he woke, that the dream was true. Draco had made love to him, and for some reason, it was the most perfect moment of his life. Harry kept his eyes closed after he woke, in order to keep the images and the sensations fresh in his memory. He smiled at the memory of coming in Draco's mouth, at Draco coming inside of _him_. He remembered that perfect moment when Draco lay across him and looked up into his eyes. He smiled at the thought of Draco kissing him. But then…it occurred to him like a sledgehammer, Draco never kissed him, that only happened in the dream.

Harry opened his eyes wide and realized much to his horror that he was still sitting in the armchair with his hands magically tied above his head and he was still wearing that green dress. It was now morning, though, and there was no sign of Draco.

"You Evil Manipulative Fucking Bastard!!!" Harry shouted out to the empty room.

Harry struggled to get up, but he realized that he was indeed quite stuck. After a while, panic began to set in. He was all alone in the Gryffindor tower with no one to unbind him. Even if he shouted his head off, it would be highly unlikely that anyone would hear him. So there was nothing for Harry to do but sit there and hope against hope that someone would find him. Harry glanced up at the clock and saw that for the second day in a row he had missed breakfast.

"Maybe someone will realize that I was missing and they'll come to check on me."

//Maybe Draco will come and check on you. That would be fun!//

"No it would not be fun and since when do you call him Draco? We do _not_ call him that."

//I'm pretty sure that's what you called him in your dream, if I remember correctly.//

"That was a fricken dream! It doesn't mean anything. It's not real."

//No? Then what's that mess in your lap?//

Harry looked down at his front.

"Shit."

Harry was very irritated. Wet dreams were things you were supposed to have when you were tucked in your own bed and free to clean up in the shower afterwards. Not when you were tied to a chair in the commons room with no pants on. Harry struggled for a while to get the skirt he was wearing to cover himself up at bit, but with his hands tied above his head and the odd position he was sitting in, he merely managed to get the skirt even higher up around his chest.

"Fuck!" Harry yelled in exasperation.

//I know, it's frustrating, isn't it? All tied up and no one to appreciate it.//

"Oh. My. God! I know you're supposed to be my subconscious and all, but I swear I don't know you anymore!"

//Oh please, just because you're in denial doesn't mean I have to be!//

"I am not in denial!"

//So then you're prepared to admit that you really wouldn't mind if Draco showed up right now and gave you an encore of last night!?//

"Oh please! Draco's and arrogant conceited bastard and the very last thing I want is an encore of last night!"

//Really? Then answer this. Are you so upset with Draco just because he's and irritating twit or is it because you're upset that he left you tied up here without giving you a goodnight kiss?//

"I…I just think he's a twit, I don't want him to kiss me. That's gross."

//You honestly believe that kissing Draco would be gross?//

"Yes, now shut up."

//So last night when you closed your eyes in order to let him kiss you, you were really thinking 'god, I hope he doesn't kiss me, that would be gross'?//

"Yes, something like that. Now shut up!"

//And just now you dreamt about kissing Draco and you woke up with cum all over your lap because the thought of kissing Draco is "Gross"?//

"Yes! Shut Up!"

//And in the aforementioned dream you said that you loved Draco because the thought of kissing him is, and I quote, "gross"?//

"Would you just Sod The Fuck Off!!!"

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Potter!"

"May the earth open up and swallow me whole right now!" Harry looked expectantly up at the sky as if angels might possibly descend and rescue him from his worst nightmare of being discovered alone in the Gryffindor commons room tied to a chair with a girls dress shoved up around his chest and a lapful of his own cum by none other than Minerva Macgonnagal. 

Seeing that there was no rescue at hand, Harry decided that turning a brilliant shade of beetroot red would be the appropriate thing to do given the immediate situation.

"You see, Professor, I can explain…"

"I assure you, Mr. Potter, that I have no intensions of ever learning what sort of sick thought process would lead a teenage boy to put himself in such an…erm…compromising position."

Harry noticed that Macgonagal was also a bright shade of red and here eyes seemed unable to break contact with his little boy bits.

"Ahem," Harry cleared his throat and pulled his legs up towards his chest in an attempt to retain at least a bit of his decency.

Macgonagal currently looked heavenwards hoping that anyone might save her from her misery of realizing that she just checked out The-Boy-Who-Lived.

"Well, the thing is professor…I really hate to put you out any, but I can't reach my wand and my hands are magically tied to this chair. So if you could possibly…?"

"Oh, yes of course. Finite Incantatem," Macgonagal muttered with a wave of her wand, finally releasing Harry and allowing him to thus cover himself up.

The two of them stared nervously at anything but each other for a while.

"Umm…I think we can simply forget this every happened," Macgonagal finally suggested.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea."

"Right then."

"Okay…"

"So…I'll be leaving." A considerably dazed and still very red Macgonagall finally turned around and left.

"Holy Fuck…" was all Harry could think of to say once he was left alone.

//My sentiments exactly//

***

At the other side of Hogwarts down in the dungeons Draco wandered aimlessly in circles. Back and forth through the commons room, up and down the stairs, and even round and round the couch for a while. It was the most inconceivable notion, but the fact was, Draco was bored and lonely.

"Fuck," Draco muttered to the empty room. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck."

This was definitely a first for Draco. He had always reveled in the moments when he could be alone, constantly hiding in his room, drawing the curtains of his bed closed around him and being perfectly content not to talk to a soul for hours at a time. He was quite frankly used to being alone, there being no one at Malfoy Manor to amuse him besides his parents. So it made no sense to him at all that he should currently find himself bored. The real problem was that he considered it entirely beneath him to admit that he was bored, so he really wasn't about to go and find someone to hang out with, that would be confessing that he was less than perfect. 

Hey, Draco, do you mind? The boys and I got together and took a vote and well, we all want you to kill yourself.

"Hmph, what's new? So what did I do wrong this time?"

Well for starters, we're all dizzy and want you to stop walking in circles

"Oh sorry." Draco stopped circling the couch and sat down.

Thank you! All right then. Basically, we're all upset about the incident with Harry

"What!? Even the new guy! It was all his idea I swear!"

Yeah, well that's not what he's saying. Evidently you veered away from the script a bit

"What did I do wrong?"

Well, he really enjoyed the fucking bit and he says he was really impressed with your improvisation with the blow job. But the thing is, he's really mad at you about the end

"The end?"

Yeah, when you punched him. I don't think the new guy's gonna forgive you anytime soon for that one, and frankly the rest of us are not sure that we're altogether happy about it either

"What was I supposed to do then?"

Frankly, we were all kind of hoping you were gonna kiss him

"WHAT!? You can't all think that can you!? I mean, what about voice number four, he can't possibly have wanted me to kiss Harry!"

Well here's the thing. It's true that we weren't all sure about the whole thing after the blow job incident, but, well, after you fucked the kid, we were all really getting into it, even number four. And we were pretty disappointed when you didn't kiss him

"I can't believe this! All five of my voices have gone mad! Have you all failed to notice the fact that I'm not even gay!? Why on earth would I want to kiss Harry?"

In response Draco was greeted by all five of the voices in his head laughing at him.

"What is this!? Stop laughing at me! Stop it! I'm serious!" 

Heh heh, sorry man, but that was just too funny 'I'm not even gay' oh god, that was just too funny. Okay, okay, I've stopped laughing. Whew!

"Look you guys, you may outnumber me five to one, but this is still my head, so I'm still in charge around here and I WILL NOT BE LAUGHED AT!!!!"

Hey, I said I was sorry! You just can't go around telling hilarious jokes like that and expect us not to laugh!

"It wasn't a joke, I was deadly serious."

Whoa man. I know you're a Slytherin and all and you're raised to lie from the day you were born, but lying to yourself like that is just wrong

"I'm not lying! What is wrong with you guys?"

Hey there's nothing wrong with us! You're the one fucked up in the head, so you just leave us out of it!

"I beg your pardon! If there's anything wrong with my head it's because you guys are in it!"

Well you don't have to be like that! We're only trying to help, but if you don't want our help, fine, we're out of here

At that Draco was alone once again without even the voices in his head to keep him company.

"Well Fuck…"

****


	5. Counter Attack

Counter Attack

Though he adamantly denied it all the way, Draco was really looking forward to lunch.

"You see, there's not really anything wrong with me," he reassured himself, as the voices in his head were currently refusing to talk to him. "I was just hungry! I mean, people do the oddest things when their blood sugar levels drop! So there you, go, I wasn't lonely or bored, I was just thinking irrationally because of hunger!"

Draco was all around very pleased with this line of reasoning, though as we all know, wizards posses a very thin grasp of logic. It is no wonder, therefore, that Draco completely failed to take into account the fact that only a few hours earlier at breakfast, he was so upset that Harry wasn't there to amuse him, that he made himself ill by eating twice as much as everyone else, so he currently wasn't hungry in the slightest. The voices in his head, however, had a surprising grasp of logic and were all laughing at Draco behind his back.

No one who had seen Draco's shameless display of gorging himself at breakfast was surprised that he barely touched his lunch. They were surprised, however, by the fact that he instead chose to spend his time staring at Harry with an odd grin and crazy glint in his eyes. For the most part, Harry seemed to ignore him, only occasionally looking up from his food to cast a glare at Draco that conveyed no more or less than all consuming hatred. This only seemed to amuse Draco all the more, so he just kept on grinning in the same somewhat maniacal manner. As long as the two boys kept silent, though, no one paid any heed to them.

"OW!!"

A few heads glanced up to see that the smile was no longer on Draco's face. The source of his outcry, however, could not be determined, so they turned away again.

"OW! Potter kicked me!"

Now everyone looked up from their meals to stare inquisitively at Draco. Everyone, that is, except for Harry, who apparently had given up glaring at Draco and had now taken to ignoring him completely.

"OW! He did it again!" Draco looked down the table towards the staff, expecting at least Snape to take points off of Harry's house.

Most of the looks he got in return varied from disbelief to irritation. Snape himself was looking away, trying to hide his own embarrassment at having chosen as his star pupil, a young man who was clearly entering the steep decent into dementia.

"Why don't you believe me? OW! He did it again! Didn't you see that?"

"No Mr Malfoy, I'm afraid we didn't see Mr Potter kick you," Dumbledore finally stated in a kind manner. "Perhaps you imagined it?"

"What!? That's ludicrous!" Draco jumped up from his seat in outrage.

Harry finally looked up from his food at Draco and rolled his eyes, showing off his best "I always knew Draco would go mad one day" look. He then simply went back to his food.

"Potter, you kicked me and you know it!" Draco was getting very upset now. It was bad enough that he occasionally suspected he might be going mad, but it was truly insupportable that the whole of the staff should think so as well.

Harry sighed deeply and looked back up at Draco.

"Malfoy, did you forget to take your pills this morning?" Harry whispered loud enough that everyone else at the table could hear. "Cause you really need to settle down; you're only embarrassing yourself here."

Draco merely sputtered, being at a complete loss for words. He had no idea how Harry found out about the fact that he was on medication, or how he knew that he had forgotten to take it that morning, but he was definitely going to find out who it was who told him, and kill that person!

Draco finally regained his composure and managed to hiss at Harry, "whether or not I remember to take my medication in the morning, Potter, is my business and my business only! Do I make myself clear?"

At this, Harry paused briefly to stare wide eyed at Draco and to let his words sink in, then he burst out laughing.

"Holy crap, Malfoy, that was a joke! I didn't really think you were on medication!

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

This, Draco decided, was why it was best to keep his mouth shut when he was in public. Somewhat belatedly, Draco decided to take this plan into effect. So he sat back down and went into his "Aloof, Cool, Calm, and Collected, Malfoy Mode," ignoring everyone else for the rest of the meal.

Harry, himself, just continued to laugh even more at what he considered to be "The Malfoy Avoidance Tactic."

******

As Draco headed back to the dungeons after lunch, he couldn't help but feel that someone was following him. He'd glance back nervously over his shoulder every once in a while, but there would never be anyone there. The feeling refused to go away, so Draco started to pick up his pace, until he realized that running maniacally down the corridor to get away from invisible people was no way to prove his sanity. As soon as he slowed down, though, the invisible stalker kicked Draco's feet out from under him, causing him to land flat on his back. 

"I am not insane. I am not insane. I am not insane," Draco muttered repeatedly while searching up and down the corridor for his invisible attacker. In his fright he didn't have enough forethought to fight back when the invisible person grabbed Draco by the wrists and in one swift movement, pulled him back to a standing position and tied his wrists magically behind his back.

"Who…who is this!? Show yourself!" Draco stuttered nervously.

"You know who this is," whispered a disembodied voice, which Draco might have mistaken for one of the voices in his head if it weren't that he could feel the hot breath against his ear. "Now, we're going to walk very calmly to the Slytherin dorms where you are going to be a good boy and say the password. Okay?"

"What if I refuse?"

"Then I'll carry you there over my shoulder."

"You may be able to do that, but you can't make me say the password!" Draco was beginning to get some of his nerve back now that, though he couldn't figure out why he was invisible, he at least figured out that his attacker was Harry Potter.

"If you don't say the password, then I'll just have to fuck you in the corridor, won't I? I imagine that being caught in the hallways taking it up the ass by your arch nemesis won't be at all beneficial to your already delicate psyche, will it?"

"You are a complete bastard, you know that don't you?"

"I learned from the very best! Now get walking."

It wasn't until the two boys were inside of the Slytherin commons room that Harry took off his invisibility cloak.

Draco stood there in the middle of the room with his hands still tied behind his back, but he tried to look as intimidating as possible.

"What the fuck is your problem, Potter? I know you were kicking me today during lunch!"

"Yeah, that was fun, wasn't it?" Harry said almost wistfully. 

"It wasn't fun at all! You made me look like a bloody fool!"

"I know!" Harry said with a big grin. "But you see, you missed out on the big show this morning and I didn't want you to miss out on all the fun."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this morning, Malfoy," Harry's face was now hardened in anger. "I had the most wonderful experience waking up this morning, pity it wasn't you. You do realize that Macgonagal found me, don't you? Sitting by myself in the commons room, a little girls dress pulled up around my chest, hands tied above my head, and a lap-full of come. Do you have any idea just how humiliating that was?"

That was a lot of information for Draco to digest just then. He really hadn't considered all those things. Part of it was intentional, of course. He had fully intended that Harry should be found in the morning by one of the professors with a dress pulled up to his armpits, he had tucked it behind his back purposefully so that it wouldn't fall down and spoil the effect. And of course he knew that it was Macgonagal who found him, Draco suggested it to her himself that maybe Harry wasn't feeling well and should be checked up on. But there was one thing that was really bothering him. The lap-full of come. He distinctly remembered that after he knocked Harry out and tucked the skirt behind his back, that he indulged himself by personally licking all of the come off of Harry.

"You know, Harry, I hadn't considered all of that, I'm sorry. I mean, it never occurred to me that Macgonagal would find you with a lap-full of your own come, I mean, it wasn't there when I had left the night before."

Harry's face turned bright red, though Draco honestly couldn't say whether it was from anger or embarrassment. The truth, of course, as Harry could have told him if he suddenly lost all self respect, was that it was both. He was primarily embarrassed at the thought that Draco might suspect that he'd had a wet dream about him (which of course he had) but he was also angry with himself for having slipped up in admitting that he'd woken up with a lap-full of his own come. But he was also angry at Draco for not only being the cause of his anguish (If having a wet dream could be considered anguish) and then for him having the audacity to throw it in his face. That was, Harry decided, the last straw. If Draco wasn't having wet dreams after today, it wouldn't be due to a lack of effort on Harry's part. And with that thought and a growl, Harry pounced.

Draco had been contemplating two separate things up to that point. He was primarily contemplating just what had happened to cause a brand new puddle of Harry's come to be found on his lap and he was secondarily contemplating whether he should be embarrassed by the fact that the first puddle of come had been cleaned away by none other than his own tongue. He had barely enough time to reach a conclusion to either of these questions when he found himself quite suddenly flat on his back with a slightly crazed looking Harry Potter on top of him. Once that happened he really didn't care about the answer to the first two questions for a third question instantly jumped into the forefront of his mind. 

"What on earth was Potter on about?"

That question was quickly answered when Harry pulled out his wand and with one simple spell, "exvestimenti," the two of them were left completely as god had intended. Once that question was laid to rest, Draco decided that he'd had enough of silly questions as they were distracting him from the simply marvelous things Harry was doing with his mouth. 

Harry had always considered it to be very true that you indeed do learn something new every day, and sometimes you even learn more than one new thing! For example, Harry never knew it before, but at that moment he learned that anger is indeed a very powerful aphrodisiac. He also learned that Draco's neck seemed to be perfectly designed for sucking on, oh and biting, too for that matter! This was all very new to Harry. He honestly had never before that day considered that there would be so many parts of Draco Malfoy's body that would be so much fun to lick! 

Draco really didn't want to complain lest Harry remove that wonderful mouth for good, but the fact was that he was really quite uncomfortable laying on the floor with his hands tied behind his back.

"Look Potter…do you think…um…oh wow…uh…it's just that it's somewhat uncomfortable with my hands tied behind my back."

Despite the fact that he was still very angry at Draco, he found that a bit of good will could be afforded him on account of the fact that he did have such an incredibly lickable body.

Harry grabbed his wand once again, flipped Draco over on his stomach, and released his hands from the magic bonds. It was then that Harry learned yet another new thing! Draco Malfoy, he now knew, was even _more_ gorgeous from behind, if that was at all possible. Draco was just about to turn himself back over when a strong hand reached out and planted itself firmly on Draco's shoulder, holding him put, face down on the floor. He was about to protest when he felt that wonderful, wonderful mouth once again on his skin. This time it started out on the back of his neck, first biting down hard, just at the base of his hair line (because that was just so much fun), then it turned into a long swipe of the tongue, slowly making its way from the neck down between his shoulder blades and following his spine the rest of the way down Draco's back. 

For the most part, Draco was surprised to find that there was something about Harry's mouth on his skin that left him completely incapable of coherent thought. If he were more capable, he would have been aware of exactly which direction it was that Harry was headed. But as it was, he didn't realize it until the very last moment when Harry's clever little tongue made it's way between the cleft of Draco's ass. 

"Oh!" was about as coherent a statement Draco could make at that moment as to he feelings on the subject of rimming. Somewhere in the confused muddle of his neural synapses were a couple of thoughts. One was that he really didn't like where this was headed. The other was that he really liked where this was headed. Now these are on their own completely incompatable thoughts, but in Draco's state of reduced mental functionings, Draco was even more confused.

When Draco finally felt Harry's clever, clever little tongue force it's way into his entrance, he felt as though, surely, an opinion on the situation should be offered up for posterity. Not having quite decided what his feelings were on the subject, though, and of course being completely rendered incapable of making any remark at all, coherent or otherwise, the best Draco could do was to let out what could be only described as a squawk. In response, Harry raised one eyebrow and continued to explore Draco's ass.

Somewhere in the back of Draco's very confused head came a very good idea, though. When Harry's clever tongue was replaced by an even more clever little finger, Draco decided that it would be in his best interest to keep his mouth shut and thus save himself from any further embarrassment. The thought also occurred to him that it was odd that he had never before noticed Harry's fingers before, which were, as it was now quite evident, very long and leaving him in a reduced state of groaning into the carpet beneath him. It frustrated him to no end when both mouth and fingers disappeared altogether. He thanked his lucky stars, however, that he miraculously had enough presence of mind _not_ to whimper at their sudden absence. 

Not quite sure what was going on, Draco turned his head back a little, so that he could see what Harry was doing. Harry was grinning down at him in a way that made Draco quite nervous. What set him even more ill at ease, though was the way Harry was fingering his wand. 

"That was quite an interesting spell you taught me last night, wasn't it?"

-Oh shit-

"I'd be interested to know where you learned it from."

Draco merely turned his head back around in response.

"What? You don't want to tell me? It ought to be really good, then." 

Draco shuddered a little as Harry's wand was shoved up his ass, but that was the only response Harry got.

"So you don't feel like telling me where you learned it? Hmmm….Maybe someone used it at you first?"

Draco shook his head adamantly.

"No?" Harry shoved the wand in a little deeper, forcing it in with little half turns back and forth. "Sure you don't want to tell me?"

Draco shook his head again. The wand went a little bit deeper.

"You know I'm rather fond of my wand. Holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches. Nice and supple. I'd hate to loose it." Harry pushed the wand in even further.

"Book.," came a muffled voice.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I read it in a book!" Draco shouted.

"Heh, and a fascinating book it must be too, I'd wager. You'll have to lend it to me sometime." Harry finally said "lubricantate" and removed his wand. He paused before setting his wand down to have a good look at it. It occurred to him that he'd never be able to look at his wand again without thinking that it had been in Draco Malfoy's ass. -But then again- he thought, -so has my tongue- and with one swift movement, so had his cock.

Draco was about to complain quite vehemently at the intrusion, but with Harry's cock came once again his mouth. With every long, slow movement, Harry nibbled, licked, and sucked at the flesh on Draco's neck, shoulders, and back. This was yet another new thing Harry learned that day, it's very important to know what gets your enemy off. It was quite obvious that Draco really liked what Harry was doing with his mouth. Soon Harry had managed to reduce Draco to making strange little mewing noises with every thrust and lick. That was very interesting indeed. But knowing Draco liked what was happening to him was not enough, Harry wanted him to beg for it.

Draco was just starting to really get into the swing of things when Harry's mouth suddenly disappeared yet again, and his cock had been pulled out to that he could only just feel the head. Draco was sure that this was some sick joke and that Harry would start up again, yet as he waited, Harry seemed very determined not to move. That would simply not do.

Harry knew that Draco would never verbally beg for anything, let alone sexual favors from his arch rival, but he knew if he waited long enough, Draco would crack one way or another. And finally he did. Harry grinned wolfishly when Draco lifted his hips, pushing them back, trying to impale himself on Harry's cock since Harry would not oblige. -I've got him-

With a growl Harry went into overdrive, gabbing Draco's hips and thrusting with increased vigor. As he continued to fuck Draco, he moved his mouth back on his neck and this time he reached around Draco's hips with one hand and began thrusting up and down on his cock, mimicking the movement of his thrusting in and out of Draco's ass.

If there was anything that would be the downfall of Draco Malfoy it would be sensory overload. With Harry attacking not only his ass, but his neck and cock as well, there was very little for Draco to do but submit, hell, he'd probably give up his inheritance and his title. Draco cried out something that was mainly muffled by the carpet that his face was shoved into, but Harry seemed to catch the gist of it and he was very pleased with the sounds of it. That was all it took and Harry found himself coming violently into Draco's ass. Draco came as soon as he felt Harry's come shooting inside of him and sprayed his own come into Harry's hand.

The two boys collapsed, Harry spread across Draco's back. Both of them were panting heavily, Draco was still twitching a bit as Harry's tongue had not left his neck. It was Harry who recovered first, pulling out of Draco and rolling off of him and onto the floor so that he was lying on his back next to Draco. He glanced over at Draco and laughed softly at the sight of him, still trying to catch his breath and his eyes opened wide as if he were a stunned animal who didn't know what hit him. 

Harry finally pulled himself up off of the ground and began putting his clothes back on him. 

"I'll see you at supper," he called back to the unresponsive Slytherin as he left through the portrait hole.

//That was fucking amazing!//

"wha…hah?" was all Draco could manage.

**The fucking, man, the fucking!**

^^You were there weren't you?^^

"Oh, yeah…"

##I doubt that even such a pansy assed moron such as yourself could have missed that!##

"No…I noticed it….Where's voice number five?"

//He passed out//

"Can you guys do that?"

##Well you know number five, he probably just did it for effect. I got to tell you, though, man, I nearly thought about doing it myself when you cried out what you did!##

"What? What do you mean?"

//He's referring to when you screamed, "Oh God, oh Harry, yes!" right before you all came//

"I didn't say that!" Draco said indignantly.

**Oh yes you did! We all heard you!**

^^Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that "Harry" heard you too!^^

"Oh, please tell me you're kidding!"

//Nope, sorry kid//

Draco groaned as he struggled to get up. Why did this have to happen to him? What did he ever do to deserve this? Picking his clothes up as he went, Draco made his way up to his room. If he was going to show up at supper later that day, he was going to need a shower, and a nap. 

When Draco was all clean, he fell down on his bed and curled up. Before sleep overcame him he found himself thinking that Harry really did have a nice mouth… and nice hands… and …-oh fuck-… he really had a nice cock too. It occurred to him that he really wasn't supposed to have thoughts like that, though.

-shit-


	6. The Erotic Sandwich

Draco was in the middle of what was a rather new experience to him; he was dreaming about Harry Potter. Well, actually, he _had_ had dreams about Harry before, but as far as he was concerned, they were not at all significant or interesting, for all Dr. Braunson said. The fact remained in Draco's opinion that wands, quills, tall towers, and broomsticks were _not_ phallic symbols, no matter _what_ Harry was doing with them! But even Draco, the strongest doubter of Freud's theories, could not deny that his dream may, possibly, if you really wanted to go all out and analyze it, have had _some_ homoerotic undertones. Draco _really_ wanted to deny it, though.

When Dream Harry showed up in the Great Hall completely naked, Draco put it down to the nasty cheese sandwich he'd eaten at lunch. When Dream Draco ripped off his own clothes and covered himself with a generous amount of honey, Draco attributed it to having eaten way too much toast at breakfast. Even when Dream Harry came up to Dream Draco and proceeded to lick off all the honey, Draco managed to convince himself that it was merely a subconscious consideration of the fact that Harry had in fact not eaten any breakfast that morning. (No allowance, however, was attempted to be made as to why Draco's subconscious should think that Honey Covered Draco would have been deemed an appropriate choice of breakfast food by Harry Potter). But even if Draco could come up with (albeit very poor) reasons for his dream up to that point, he really couldn't think of a single excuse as to why his Dream Self should start professing his undying love towards Dream Harry, nor why they started snogging as if they would quite possibly die if they didn't at least attempt to swallow each other's tonsils! What really stumped Draco, though. was the fact that Dream Draco actually _begged_ Dream Harry to fuck him! But even worse than all of these things combined was the fact that when Draco woke up from his dream, out of breath and heart pounding, he realized that he had just come in his pants.

-Oh _FUCK!-_

*****

It was (much to his perplexity) with a great deal of disappointment that Harry observed Draco's absence from supper that evening.

-This is not right, surely- Harry thought to himself.

You see Harry could tell that at the moment he was feeling anger towards the Slytherin, despite how much fun he'd had with him that afternoon. He naturally assumed that he was angry with him for all the usual reasons, for of course feeling anger towards Draco was not by any means a new occurrence. Harry's real difficulty here was the fact that though he was completely ruled by his feelings, he didn't possess nearly enough logic in him to fully comprehend his extremely fucked up emotional state. This is why it puzzled Harry so much that he at the same time was hating Draco with all the fires of Hell, yet also really, really wanted to see him again. Poor Harry, perhaps if he were a Ravenclaw he would have stood a chance of figuring out the obvious conclusion to his worries that his hatred of Draco was directly linked to the absence of Draco. It really didn't matter too much, though, for Draco wasn't having much more luck with his grasp of logic either.

*****

"You see, it's perfectly obvious," Draco explained to the voices in his head as he stepped out from the shower, having decided that taking a cold shower that evening would be much more advantageous to him than showing up to supper all hot and bothered and covered in his own come. "Dr. Braunson said that all of my dull, boring dreams about Potter were actually very sexual in nature…"

//You mean like the dream where you made Harry swallow your wand?//

"Yes! You see, my point is, that if such a dull boring dream has sexual connotations, then clearly my dream today, which I guess did _appear_ to have sexual connotations…."

**By "sexual connotations" are you referring to the point where Harry licked honey off of your dick or the point when you and Harry started fucking each other like rabid bunnies on the Head Table?**

"Not important!" Draco said, starting to get irritated with the interruptions. "What I'm getting at is that if the boring dream was sexual, then obviously the dream that was "sexual" in appearance was clearly a boring dream that meant nothing at all! So you see, that means that my homoerotic tendencies are actually going away! So clearly I can't possibly be gay!"

Draco was ridiculously pleased with that extremely faulty piece of logic, yet he waited patiently with baited breath for the voices in his head to pipe in and tell him and tell him that his grasp of logic was simply the most amazing display of brilliance they'd ever seen.

##That was…amazing…##

Draco began to puff up with pride.

##Never, in my entire life, have I ever heard such a disgusting display of warped logic!##

Draco's face fell, but he quickly passed over from disappointment to anger.

"What would you know, anyway?"

##Well I may not have a degree in psychology, but I'm positive I know denial when I see it!##

"Oh, pshaw! Denial is just one of those high-faluting terms doctors use that don't really mean anything, like 'personality disorder'! I don't care what anybody says, I am NOT in Denial!!!!" The odd twitch started up in Draco's eye again.

~Wow, you guys were right, he does have issues! It's sad, really.~

  
"What!? Have you guys been saying bad things about me to the new guy!?"

//Well what did you expect? We had to fill him in, you know!"

^^Yeah, he was pretty broken up when you punched Harry in the face^^

** The poor kid had no idea what was going on! I mean, he's not used to your mental breakdowns like we are!**

##Even I felt sorry for the little dweeb, and that's saying something! He was just crushed!##

For a while Draco just scowled (actually it was a pout, but he preferred to think it was a scowl).

"It. Wasn't. A. Mental. Breakdown." He finally said, positively seething. "It was a strategic part of the plan to get back at Harry! The whole point was to make him think I was going to kiss him and then knock him out and leave him until morning! I've explained all of this already!"

//Yeah, sure, whatever you say. I still say that you can't call it a plan unless you thought it up before hand. What you just described is what most people call a "poor excuse," not a plan. . By the way, nice to see that you and Harry are finally on a first name basis//

"What!? I'm not on a fist name basis with Potter! Don't make me laugh! Hah hah... hah hah hah!"

**See, number 5, what did we say about denial?**

~Sheesh, I know! It's practically unreal!~

"Stop that! I'm right here, you know! I can hear every word you say!"

##Oh, like we should bother not talking around you, nothing we ever say gets through your thick skull anyway!##

Draco pouted again and headed off to rifle through his care packages from home to see if there was any chocolate left that he could eat for Supper.

*****

The next morning Draco decided that it really would be best for him to show up to breakfast, if for no other reason than to prove to Harry that he would not be so easily defeated by something as trivial as a really good fuck. He was determined that he should follow his usual plan of acting incredibly snobby and say nothing at all and ignore Harry completely. For the most plan Draco would say that the plan worked perfectly, or at least he thought it did. The problem was that he kept getting distracted, namely by Harry's damn mouth.

-That's just perverted!- Draco thought to himself. -I can't believe no one else is noticing that! Things like that just should not be allowed at the breakfast table, I don't care if you are the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Fuck!-

Draco continued to watch wide eyed, nonetheless, while Harry continued to eat his crumpet.

-You see, there wouldn't be so much honey running down your arm if you hadn't put so much butter on the crumpet before you put on the honey! Really, Harry, everyone knows that!-

Draco watched transfixed as Harry finally began licking the honey off of his own arm with long swipes of his tongue, every once in a while, pausing to suck hard on his skin, even nibbling a little bit, to remove the honey that had matted into his hair. Much to his horror, Draco felt himself get hard. The dry toast in his hand was left completely forgotten as he watched Harry suck the honey off of his fingers, one digit at a time. 

"Malfoy, you're not eating. Did you want the honey?"

Draco's face instantly went pink.

"My. God. Harry! Not at breakfast! You may enjoy your filthy perversions at any hour of the day, but can you at least remember that there are other people here!?"

The whole rest of the table looked down towards Draco and Harry with increased interest.

It was, however, not only Draco who was embarrassed by the implications of his words. Harry had the grace to instantly pull his middle digit out of his mouth when he saw the curious stares sent in his direction. Harry may at times be naïve, but he knew very well just how un-naïve the rest of the world could be.

"I didn't mean it that way, honestly," Harry said in a quiet voice. Truth be told, though, Harry wouldn't be blushing half as much if he hadn't meant it that way at least a little bit. At the time, of course, it was an innocent statement. Harry really, really liked honey and he merely assumed that Draco must enjoy it with equal fervor. It wasn't until after Draco accused him of being a pervert that Harry remembered a passing thought he'd had one lonely evening about a Honey Covered Draco. Much to his frustration, Harry felt himself get hard.

Quite an awkward silence followed where neither Harry nor Draco could bare to look at the other, though neither could bare to exactly look away either, so instead the two of them just stared intently at the honey pot, entertaining very lustful thoughts, which did nothing but encourage their already hard states.

"Why I think I'd fancy a bit of honey myself!" Dumbledore said cheerfully from the head of the table.

Draco and Harry's erections instantly withered. 

*****

Draco in the end hadn't eaten a thing at Breakfast and was so mortified with his one attempt at human contact that he ended up skipping both Lunch and Supper, subsisting mainly off of chocolate for the rest of the day. By that evening, however, he was starving, and the lack of proper nutrition was doing nothing for his mental well being. So after he was sure everyone had already headed off to bed, Draco set off to the kitchens.

A very interesting thing about Draco Malfoy that very few people know, is the fact that he is in fact a bona fide Sandwich Snob. Growing up he had been so mortified at the House Elfs pathetic attempts at a sandwich, that he began insisting that he make his own. He will eat a sandwich made by someone else, but he cannot help but point out all of the reasons why the sandwich is below par. A real sandwich should be a work of art, it cannot be a proper, edible sandwich unless it is the result of much love and attention. No one ever understood his Theories On Sandwiches before, and they usually thought that he was a bit mad if they ever found out, which is precisely why he stopped telling people. He still continued to believe that a proper made Sandwich is the singular most beautiful thing there is in the world. Sandwiches are, in fact, Draco's Grand Passion, his Raison D'etre. 

When Draco entered the kitchen and saw Harry settled down at a table, surrounded by sandwich makings, he curiosity was too piqued to demand to know why it was that Harry should invade his personal quiet nip down to the kitchens. Harry did not appear to notice Draco's entrance at all, and merely kept working at his sandwich. Draco took the opportunity to sit back and observe Harry sitting among all of the things that Draco loved the most. He fully anticipated that Harry should fail miserably, of course, and Draco never wanted to pass up an opportunity to make fun of Harry.

Draco was shocked, however, as he watched Harry's movements. The look on Harry's face was so full of intense concentration that it blew Draco away. The careful way that Harry spread the mayonnaise on the bread so that it evenly covered the whole slice, leaving not a corner untouched, yet not allowing any to slop over the sides took Draco's breath away. The delicate way he lay each slice of turkey, folding each one in a perfectly semetrical way and aligning them all in a row so that every bite would contain the exact same amount of turkey was simply awe inspiring to Draco. Then how carefully Harry chose each piece of bacon so that they were all the same size and shape brought a lump to Draco's throat. Oh and the lettuce! Never in his life had he watched another human being tear the lettuce leaves with such love! But then, without any warning, Harry did something that made Draco gasp aloud. He started to drizzle honey, right over the bacon! Draco considered himself to be The Master Of Sandwiches, having created every possible sandwich to perfection, yet it had never, ever occurred to him to put honey on a sandwich. Part of his mind felt that it was an unholy sacrilege, yet he couldn't help but notice the way that Harry poured that honey, as if he had done it a million times before. Surely Harry wouldn't have bothered perfecting the art of something that wasn't any good. There had to be something to this honey. 

Draco continued to watch in anticipation, as Harry painstakingly sliced the sandwich in half, and slowly raised his creation to his gorgeous pink mouth. Draco could not help but utter a moan along with Harry at the moment that Harry took his first orgasmic bite out of his sandwich. It was at that point that Harry looked up at his guest. (He knew Draco was there all along, of course. Harry's not dumb).

The two of them eyed each other intensely over the sandwich as Harry took yet another moan inducing bite. Draco felt his cock twitch at the sight. With a slow, deliberate movement, Harry pushed the other half of his sandwich towards Draco. Without taking his eyes off of Harry, Draco moved towards the table, and picked up the sandwich, raising it to his mouth. As Harry took his third bite, Draco brought the sandwich to his own mouth. Both boys moaned in unison.

Never, in his entire life, had Draco put something to sinfully delicious in his mouth, and he had eaten a _lot_ of sandwiches in his day.

Draco was enjoying his sandwich so much that it took a while for him to realize that Harry was eyeing him strangely.

"What?"

"You have honey on your face," Harry replied, pointing at Draco's chin for clarification. Indeed there was honey running across his face, over his chin, and slowly down his neck.

Draco reached his hand up to wipe away the offending stickyness, but before he had a chance to reach his face, Harry suddenly lunged across the table and grabbed Draco behind the neck, pulling him close, and attaching his mouth to Draco's neck. With tantalizing little licks, sucks, and nibbles, Harry moved his mouth along the path of the honey, starting at Draco's neck and working his way up towards the origin of the honey trail: Draco's mouth. He seemed to pause an extra long time on Draco's chin, just below his lower lip. Harry sighed and pulled away from a very stunned and turned on Draco. They just looked at each other for a moment, Draco having absolutely no idea what would be an appropriate comment in response to having someone eat honey off of your face.

"I left a bit for you," Harry said pointing to Draco's lips. "I didn't want you to think I was a hog."

Draco wasn't entirely sure what to respond to that either. Draco's aristocratic upbringing told him that the appropriate response would be to say "thanks," but he wasn't entirely sure if he meant it. Part of him wanted to tell Harry that it was okay if he wanted the rest, but he really didn't know if such a statement would come across the right way or not. In the end, he decided that licking it off himself would be the appropriate action. Draco's tongue darted out and caught the last bit of errant honey. It really was exceptionally good honey. 

Draco looked down at the table that was separating him from Harry and it suddenly, without any warning occurred to him what he wanted more than anything else in the world. The difficulty was, just how to phrase it without making him sound like he was begging for it.

"Harry," Draco looked back up with pleading eyes. "I want you to do it again." Then as an afterthought he added, "please." 

Harry looked into Draco's unusually pleading eyes with complete understanding. He knew what Draco wanted, and of course he would be more than willing to concede, but at the time there was something that he wanted from Draco instead.

"No," he said, but then in response to the look of desperation in Draco's eyes, he added, "I want you to instead. Will you please?"

Draco thought for just a moment and then nodded his consent. He turned and moved around the large table so that he was standing right next to Harry. He glanced at Harry and contemplated the intimacy of the situation, how close they were now standing, how close he actually felt to him at the moment. He had never done this for anyone before in his entire life, but there was no going back now. 

"How do you want it?"

"I don't care. Whichever way is your favorite. I want to know what you like."

Draco smiled at Harry, pleased with his words, then he turned back to the table and proceed to create the most perfect Sandwich he could think of in honour of the green eyed boy next to him.

Harry perched himself on the table and watched Draco with great interest. No one had ever made a sandwich personally for him, and the fact that Draco Malfoy was the first thrilled him to no end. What thrilled him even more than that, though, was the fact that Draco clearly knew what he was doing. 

Draco himself had never made a sandwich for another soul and he was determined to show off all of his skill. No simple sandwich would do. If he were to do this, he would do it right. This was not something that Harry Potter would for get quickly. He put all of his heart and soul into that Sandwich, Harry could see it as clear as day. When Draco finally put the final touches on the Sandwich and sliced it neatly in half, Harry was so overwhelmed by the beauty of it that he felt his chest constrict, as if he might cry.

This was no ordinary sandwich. It was made with three slices of bread, not just toasted, but rather lightly fried in a mixture of butter, extra virgin olive oil, and some carefully selected seasoning. On the lower half of the sandwich, Draco had spread a creamy mustard and mayonnaise sauce and placed on top of that bacon fried to perfection and juicy slices of ripe, red tomatos. On the top half was thick slices of still warm, roasted turkey breast upon which was spread (much to Harry's amazement) a thin layer of Pesto. To top it off was perfectly selected leaves of lettuce. Never in his entire life had Harry seen such a sandwich. 

Harry looked hesitantly up from the Sandwich into Draco's eyes, as if asking for his permission. In response to the silent request, Draco lifted half of the Sandwich himself and lifted it to Harry's mouth. With a slight nod of his head, Draco encouraged to take a bite. When Draco's amazing creation hit Harry's palate, he felt as if he could die there and then, surely nothing could be better than this. Draco grinned widely as Harry voiced his approval with a moan. When Harry saw that smile across Draco's lips, he remembered himself and, though he enjoyed watching Draco's display of voyeristic pleasure, he knew that he needed to give him more pleasure than just that. Harry reached down and lifted the other half of the sandwich and raised it to Draco's mouth. The two of them moaned in unison with each bite as they had done previously with Harry's sandwich. When they finally finished the Sandwich, they fell back across the table, sated and happy. Draco reached over and licked away the tiny dab of pesto that found its way left behind on the corner of Harry's mouth. 

"That…was the most amazing thing I have ever eaten in my whole life!" Harry finally found his voice to say. 

Draco blushed and giggled slightly at the complement. He looked over at Harry with a wicked grin on his face.

"Want to do it again?"

"Oh yeah!"

The two of them made sandwiches for each other until the wee hours of the morning when they were both so full and content that they could barely move. They managed to magically clean off their sandwich makings, though, and collapsed across the now empty table. Draco crawled close to Harry and lay his head across his chest, allowing the Gryffindor to play with his hair until he fell asleep. The last thought that occurred to Harry before he, too fell asleep was that it was quite true, Draco did smell like roses.


	7. A Rather Randy Christmas Centerpiece

A/N: Yes yes, I've updated! Happy already? Well anyway, I'm tickled pink that you all seem to be enjoying my story. Just a few random things I feel the need to clear up. 

Firstly: Quite obviously ff.n doesn't allow NC 17 rated fics, which my story quite clearly is. But of course, I really couldn't give a fuck. I'm quite against censorship as a whole, which I feel ff.n is partaking of, but rather than protest against it by removing my stories and thus allowing them to continue the act of censorship, I will rather remain here and infiltrate and infest the system by staying right here and obeying the letter of their law. My story will not be rated NC 17, it will be rated R. Naturally I will **not be editing my story in any way shape or form. If this results in children being too young for that sort of thing consequently reading my story, then maybe ff.n will lean their lesson that you cannot shape the world around you to fit your ideals. I am very sorry to burst their bubble, but yes, underage boys will continue to have sex no matter what they think, that's just the way of it. If my actions end up with me at any point being removed from ff.n then surely I will consider that a sad day. I have my own web page, however and I have your email addresses, so I will persevere. **

Secondly: This whole debacle has made me realize that above all else, I value my reviewers. I am very saddened that my 112 reviews have all been erased (though I did save them on my computer and read them wistfully every once in a while) I would like to take this time, though to thank you all from the very bottom of my heart. It is for you all that I write this, so I would be quite the selfish bastard if I did not thank you all.

Thirdly: So! How many of you actually tried one of my sandwiches? I do indeed have a turkey sandwich fetish; they make me very hot and bothered, for whatever reason I do not know. I dream is of one day meeting a lovely woman with whom I can share an experience much like I wrote in the previous chapter. So for all of you who wondered, "What kind of sick and twisted fetishist is writing this piece?" Now you know. I also have a honey fetish. Despite the fact that I am a lesbian, I have had an odd recurring fantasy of having Draco naked before me and covered in honey just for me to lick it all off! I try to suppress my little boy fantasies, though. And I am sorry if I offended you, but there you have it. I'm pretty sure that if you've made it this far in my story, you've already figured out that I am completely off my rocker. Sad but completely true!

A Rather Randy Christmas Centerpiece

"Good Heavens! If this is what the House Elves thought up for a centerpiece for Christmas Eve, I can't wait to see what's in store for tomorrow!"

As it is well known, Dumbledore is a complete sucker for outlandish holiday decorations and therefore was more than willing to allow the House Elves free reign in creating Christmas centerpieces that usually tended to increase exponentially in their extravagance. And naturally, the House Elves being eccentric as they are, Hogwarts has come to see some of the most unusual centerpieces known to man. It is safe to say, though, that students and staff alike have come to accept this, no matter how odd the centerpiece got. As a matter of fact, since the addition of Dobby to the staff of Hogwarts, the Centerpieces managed to become even stranger than imaginable, usually involving Christmas themes socks in some peculiar configuration. This naturally continued to please Dumbledore even more than ever.

This fine Christmas Eve morning, though, it was silently decided that nothing they would ever see in their entire lives would top this particular festive arrangement. Every single mouth hung open and every pair of eyes was bulging at the green and red centerpiece before them. Curled up like a pair of kittens were Harry Potter in his Gryffindor red pajamas and Draco Malfoy in his Slytherin green ones. Draco was resting on top of Harry with his head tucked underneath Harry's chin, one of Harry's hands lazily tangled in Draco's hair and the other for whatever unknown reason tucked halfway under the waistband of Draco's pajama bottoms, laying on his bottom not so far down as to make it seem perverted but just far down enough to make one wonder what it was doing there. Though Draco was in fact drooling lightly on Harry's chest, neither seemed to notice, as they were quite solidly asleep. Both did appear to be enjoying each other's company, even in their sleep, as they both had identical smiles lightly spread across their lips.

Not sure if it were a joke or not, one of the young Hufflepuffs prodded at Draco. Getting no response, the unfortunate child proceeded tickle Draco roughly on his side. If being brutally thwacked on the nose was the response the young Hufflepuff was looking for, then the mission was most certainly accomplished. Rubbing his sore nose the Hufflepuff muttered, "I guess they're real." The Hufflepuff next to him nodded his agreement.

Having rid himself of the irritation threatening to wake him, Draco continued to sleep on, as did Harry, nuzzling each other lightly in their sleep. Everyone was now a bit hesitant to further irritate the slumbering Christmas Centerpiece. 

"Numqum titilandus Draco dormiens," Dumbledore said sagely.

"School motto," one of the Ravenclaws informed pompously in response to the Hufflepuff's confused look. "Never tickle a sleeping Draco."

"Dragon, I think you'll find," the second Ravenclaw interjected, not one to pass up an opportunity to correct anyone's Latin translation. The first Ravenclaw simply glared, being very put out that anyone should question his intellectual abilities.

After that, however, breakfast passed very quietly save for the light snorings of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. No one was willing to further irritate the sleeping Slytherin; having seen first hand that it could be detrimental at the least. 

It was all around uneventful until halfway through breakfast when Draco yawned and stretched, rolling off of Harry where he had up till that point been resting peacefully, and onto the headmaster's breakfast. Now fully awake, lying in an omelet, and staring up at the headmaster, Draco did the first thing that came into his mind and started spewing out a whole slew of obscenities. The two first year Hufflepuffs instantly had their ears covered, one by a Ravenclaw prefect, and the other by Professor McGonagall.

Harry himself was then rudely awakened by his sometimes lover and sandwich sharer screaming, "what the fuck are you all looking at?" loudly next to his ear. It was then that it occurred to him too that he'd just woken up with Draco Malfoy on the breakfast table, surrounded by more curious onlookers than anyone would normally feel comfortable with. For a while he was too stunned to do anything other than lie there and listen to Draco loudly express his dissatisfaction with the whole experience in rather crass, if not varied, terminology. When Draco got to "I'm a fucking Malfoy for Fuck's sake! Can't I get a little fucking sleep without the whole fucking school watching me like a bunch of fucking…." Harry decided that someone ought to silence the irate Slytherin. It did seem that most of those present at the table were far too shocked to do anything other than stare open mouthed, except Dumbledore, who seemed at the moment to be far more amused to be in possession of a plateful of cussing Slytherin than anyone in their right mind really ought to be. Harry realized then that if anyone was going to shut Draco up, it was bound to be him. Harry clamped his hand down over Draco's mouth before the entirety of the staff and the four students present learned exactly what "the fuck" it was that Draco thought of them.

"Draco would you shut up! As much as I'm sure we're all fascinated by your stunning grasp of the English language and all of its intricacies, now is not the time!" When Draco finally finished struggling against Harry's hold on him, Harry continued. He leaned close to Draco's ear and spoke in a low whisper, hoping in vain to avoid being overheard. Naturally as it was a small gathering of people, all deathly silent in hopes of learning what it was that had lead the Prince of Slytherin and the Boy-Who-Lived to be sleeping in each other's arms on the breakfast table, Harry couldn't help but be overheard.

"Look Malfoy, I'm quite positive that I remember everything that we did last night," Draco blushed at the memory of a particularly exciting turkey and cranberry sandwich they shared at one point, "and I'm quite positive that I at no point fell asleep on the Breakfast table, with you or otherwise. So do care to explain just how I got here?"

"You're not blaming me are you?" Draco demanded, having finally released his mouth from Harry's grasp. "I assure you that I had nothing to do with this!"

"Well boys, maybe you could explain exactly what it was that you had done last night and maybe we can all help figure out how this all came to pass," Dumbledore suggested helpfully.

McGonagall and the Ravenclaw prefect immediately covered the Hufflepuff's ears once again.

"Nothing like that, you sickos!" Harry shouted out.

To everyone's surprise, McGonagall didn't say a word in response to being called a sicko. She was in fact, still rather embarrassed that it was not too long ago when she'd been caught checking out the assets of The-Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry turned away from McGonagall and towards the headmaster.

"Well you see, sir, Malfoy and I had met last night in the kitchens…."

"Entirely by chance of course!"

"Oh yes, it was purely coincidence, I assure you!" Harry spoke in his most pure and innocent Savior of the Wizarding World voice. Either Dumbledore didn't notice the snort coming from Snape or he chose to ignore it.

"But you see, Potter was making a turkey sandwich…" Draco was blushing once again.

"Well the details aren't important, but the thing is that we did eat a rather lot of Turkey sandwiches…." Harry continued, blushing himself.

"Turkey Sandwiches?" Dumbledore questioned, seeking clarity.

"Oh, well they were really good Turkey Sandwiches!" Draco offered, as if this statement would clear everything up.

"But, well you see, I guess we fell asleep."

"Turkey Sandwiches will do that to you, sir, it's true! They have some sort of chemical in them!"

Dumbledore looked up at the Potions Professor who simply nodded, reluctantly saying, "I believe there is truth to what the boy says."

Dumbledore looked back at the two pajama clad boys sitting on the table. "Let me guess, you fell asleep on one of the tables in the kitchen?"

The two boys nodded, slightly confused as to how Dumbledore knew.

"It's quite obvious, then. It seems that the House Elves must have set the table around you two and you apparated up with everything else! Now, why don't you two get down off the table and join us for breakfast." The headmaster smiled kindly and pointed to two vacant seats next to each other at the end of the table.

The two boys awkwardly managed to crawl off the table, spilling over only one goblet of Pumpkin juice and tipping over only one bowl of scrambled eggs. Once off the table, Harry brushed the remnants of Dumbledore's omelet off of Draco's backside and the two sat down. The whole experience was so embarrassing that Draco would have preferred to not have to sit alongside Harry, but there truly were no other seats at the table.

-Knowing Dumbledore, he probably planned it that way- Draco thought irritably.

"Well, now that we've settled that, we can all resume out breakfast. But first, it seems that Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy have deprived us of out centerpiece." 

With that dammed twinkle in his eye and a clap of his hands, two small figures appeared in the center of the table, a Dragon and a Lion, which instantly cuddled up next to each other. Harry and Draco blushed as everyone else sniggered. The joke would have been embarrassing enough for the Slytherin and the Gryffindor, but to make things worse, when the Lion licked the Dragon affectionately on the nose, the two of them got, for lack of a better word, frisky. At this point, the responses were much more varied. Dumbledore, of course, just smiled inanely, as if a Dragon and a Lion attempting to get it on was the most natural thing in the world to have as a Christmas Centerpiece. Snape merely looked away, pretending that he didn't get the insinuation. McGonagall's eyes opened wide, for the first time indicating a realization of what really had enabled Harry to be magically tied to a chair while no where near his wand. The Hufflepuffs just looked confused. The Ravenclaws were quite quick, of course and looked positively scandalized. Hagrid, much to Draco's revulsion, grinned and winked! Trelawny gasped and pronounced it to be a sign of the apocalypse. Pomphry tutted and made a mental note to have a chat with Dumbledore very soon about installing a sexual education program at Hogwarts. Madame Hooch scooted away from the table and wondered if it were at all hygienic for them to be eating off of it. Draco sank down into his chair and tried to die by just willing it to happen. Harry, on the other hand, jumped out of his seat and slammed his hands down on the table.

"You all appall me! All that Malfoy and I did was fall asleep after a late night snack! What on earth would possess you to believe it was anything other than what we had said? It was _just_ a **_snack_**!"

The whole table was shocked into silence by Harry's outburst, so none of them missed it when Draco spoke, no matter how quietly he whispered his comment.

"All it was to you was a snack?"

Draco, quite frankly, couldn't believe that he'd just said that, and neither could Harry. When Harry saw the hurt look on Draco's face, though, everyone else at the table got left forgotten.

"Well, it was, wasn't it?" Harry said equally quietly. "It was just you and I eating some turkey sandwiches together."

"I don't know about you, Potter, but when I share a turkey sandwich with someone, it means a hell of a lot more to me than just a 'snack' But maybe I've mistaken you, maybe I was just one in a long line of people with whom you've shared turkey sandwiches. I can't believe you let me make my turkey Pesto club for you if you knew it meant nothing to you!"

"Draco, I'm sorry…I just never dreamt that it meant that much to you. I mean…I thought it was just me. I swear to god, you were the only person I've ever let taste my Honeyed Turkey Sandwich!"

"Really? You're not just saying that?"

"I'm not just saying that. I…I couldn't imagine sharing a sandwich with anyone else."

The two boys smiled shyly at each other and sat back down, glad that that was settled, and started eating their breakfasts. They managed to remain completely unaware of the rest of the table which was staring at them unabashedly, every last one of them now thoroughly confused. Except for Dumbledore, naturally, who continued to show a disturbing level of sheer delight.

"Lovers' quarrels are swift to mend," he said wistfully. 

The response was thunderous. Draco and Harry jumped up from the table, knocking their chairs over in their haste. Draco screamed, "I'm not gay!" And Harry likewise screamed, "I'm not in love with him!" Though their protestations were indeed loud, the high pitched natures of their screaming and the fact that they spoke simultaneously while running in opposite directions out of the Great Hall left their words for the most part lost on everyone.

Madame Pomphry silently added that a psychologist and perhaps even a relationship counselor would also be recommended additions to the staff at Hogwarts. Dumbledore simply wondered if he could convince one of the House Elves to make a Honeyed Turkey Sandwich for _him_.

*****

Draco ran all the way to the Slytherin dorms where he jumped in his bed and pulled the covers up over his head. It was extremely juvenile, but he really wasn't in the mood to care.

//So what's got your knickers in a bunch now?//

"You know very well what's upsetting me! Everyone thinks I'm gay!"

**Well, you are**

"No I'm not!" Draco whined.

##I don't want to seem patronizing here, but you do _know_ what 'gay' means don't you?##

"Of course I do, don't be a jerk."

##Okay, then maybe you could explain to us just how it is that you think you're _not_ gay?##

"Well for one, I've dated Pansy Parkinson! I'm pretty sure that makes me straight, thank you very much!"

^^Ah! That's a very interesting point you bring up! How about you tell us a little about Pansy?^^

"You want me to talk about Pansy?"

//Yes, that's an excellent idea. Think of it as a sort of therapy session, but with us instead of Dr Braunson//

"Um, okay. Well, Pansy is…a girl. She's blond I guess. She asked me out in fourth year. Total bitch of course, she dumped me just 'cause I wouldn't sleep with her! I mean what's up with that? Excuse me for not being ready!"

**That's all very fascinating. Would you mind informing us how long you dated her?**

"Uh…three years, I think."

^^And in those three years you never once wanted to sleep with her!?^^

"Well no! I mean, ew! She was always trying to push herself on me; she'd show up wearing practically nothing and spend the whole evening trying to shove her boobs in my face, like that's really gonna get me to want to lay her! She was just totally delusional!"

//Hmmm, interesting….Now in the past I'm sure you've thought about having sex, and most likely dreamt about it. Why don't you tell us about your sex dreams?//

"Well, I did actually have this occasional kinky dream about sleeping with Pansy. It was really your basic sex dream. We'd get all hot and bothered and start ripping our clothes off and she'd start fucking me. Just a standard sex dream, nothing really out of the ordinary."

**Okay, forgive me for being perhaps a bit slow, but could you clarify for us all what you meant by **_she_** started fucking **_you_**?**

"God how stupid are you guys? I mean that after the usual randiness and snogging, she'd flip me over and fuck me! It's not that hard to figure out!"

##Okay, I've just got to cut in here. Now of course I realize that you had never actually had sex with a girl before, and perhaps you had never quite figured out where all the bits and pieces go, but did it never occur to you that it's physically impossible for a girl to 'flip you over and fuck you'?##

"Hey it was a dream! I mean, I once dreamt that the Stinky Cheese Man was trying to kill me, but that doesn't mean that I really think that the Stinky Cheese Man exists!"

(A/N: Pay attention to your dreams all you questioning youths! I would have figured out that I was gay much sooner if I had stopped to contemplate the fact that having a dream about sleeping with a guy doesn't really count if the guy's got boobs and a pussy! I still don't know what the Stinky Cheese Man dream meant, though….)

//Hey, we're not trying to attack you here or anything; we're just having a rational conversation. But one more thing, could you tell us a little bit about Pansy's boobs in your dream?//

"Erm…I really can't remember seeing them. I'm not entirely sure she had any."

##So you're telling us that in these recurring sex dreams with Pansy, that she had no boobs and a dick!?##

"Well…I wouldn't put it quite that way. Look can we not talk about Pansy anymore? And can you guys make number four leave me alone?"

^^Of course Draco, that's fine. Number four, be good! I was about to change the subject anyway; I think we've dwelled on girl talk for long enough. Why don't you just say a few words about Harry Potter, though?^^

"Harry? Why do you want to talk about him?"

^^Just a few words, okay? Whatever comes into your head. No pressure^^

"Well I don't know, I mean he's your basic Savior of the Wizarding World, isn't he? He's your basic Perfect Boy. He's got that hair that just has to be the perfect shade of black, and those stupid perfect eyes that are the world's most perfect shade of green. You know, the type that practically glows in the dark? Oh, and of course his skin is freaking perfect too, not a single freckle or blemish or anything. Except for that scar on his forehead, and you know, even that's perfect. What's up with that!? He's got this one physical imperfection, which on anyone else would be nothing more than a disfiguring scar, yet he has the audacity to make it actually seem sexy! And he goes on acting like he doesn't know any of this, but oh, he knows exactly what he's doing. It's positively disgusting! Every single action that he makes is strategically planned to make sure that guys like me know exactly how perfect he is. Have you **_seen_** him ride a broom? Have you!? The way he _leans_ into the freaking broom with his back arched just so in that lewd manner. And the way he actually caresses his broom in his hand is positively obscene! And he does it all on purpose! It's no wonder that he always catches the snitch before anyone else! No one stands a chance with him flying about like freaking sex on a broom! And God! Don't even get me started on his eating habits! That should honestly be enough to get him sent permanently to Azkaban! All that licking of his fingers and the way he freaking moans between bites! It's perverse! And the way he makes a sandwich! I tell you, that boy's no innocent; he knows how to handle a butter knife, that's for certain! And a wand! God, you just can't look at him when he's in charms class! It's enough to make Dumbledore blush! Actually it's pretty much the same in all of his classes. Anytime he gets a quill in his hand he just can't leave it alone like normal people do, he's got to play with it and put it is his freaking mouth! And that goddammed tongue of his! I mean, do you see normal people licking everything in their sight? No! It's just not natural! Did Pansy even lick me once? No, thank god! But Harry Potter seems to think that he can come up and lick anyone or anything anytime he chooses! Why? Because he's Harry Freaking Potter, the Savior of the Wizarding World and if he wants to lick someone, then the whole world had better stop and let him! I mean, how did he ever get it into his head that just cause you saved the Wizarding World from ruin means that you can go about seducing anyone you want? That's why the whole world bends over backwards for Harry Fucking Potter! He's got everyone totally seduced so that they're all begging for a chance to be fucked by the wonderful Harry Potter! That's all he cares about. He doesn't fight for good over evil! He's just out there acting the perfect part and waiting for his next victim, the next poor unsuspecting fellow that he can seduce with just one half lidded glance from those fucking perfect green eyes! And you know what? That's what he gets off on! The knowledge that he can reduce a regular guy like me into a quivering pile of patheticness just begging to be fucked by him! And if that isn't just PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL I don't know what is!!!!"

Draco finished his tirade somewhat tired and out of breath from all the shouting. After a long stunned silence, one of the voices finally spoke up.

//So what you're saying is that you hate Harry Potter because he makes you hot and bothered?//

"Yes! He goes around making perfectly normal straight guys like me think that we're gay! He does it just out of spite and just to make our lives miserable! One day we think we're a normal healthy boy who goes for girls and the next day we meet Harry Potter and BAM he goes and gets us totally choking for it from him! That is EVIL and that's all there is to it!"

^^I can't help but notice that you seem to think that this is a habitual action on his part, making lots of guys think they want to go to bed with Harry.^^

"Well I can't be the only one can I? His actions are way to obvious, a guy would have to be blind to not get hot and bothered as soon as Harry walks into a room! It's all part of his dastardly plan to take over the world, I'm telling you!"

**I can't help but beg to differ with you here, Draco. I really don't think that Harry's got the whole male population of the Wizarding World "begging for it" so to speak. I actually have reason to believe that it's only you. You are in fact the only guy he's ever slept with.**

"It can't possibly be only me! But if it is, then I'm in more trouble than I thought! That would mean that he's singled me out as the top guy on his hit list! My God! What am I going to do? He's out to get me!" Draco was starting to look truly panicked now, struck with the terror than can only come from believing that one of the most powerful young wizards in the world had singled you out as his prey.

##Jesus get a grip Draco! It's completely obvious that the reason you are susceptible to his charms is because YOU ARE GAY! I'm sorry but straight guys just don't get all hot and bothered over Harry Potter, no matter what he does with his wand!##

"But…but…I _can't_ be gay…." 

//I'm sorry hon, but that's the way it is//

**Out of curiosity, when was the first time that you noticed that Harry got you hot and bothered?**

"Uh, first year, when I met him in Madame Maulkin's shop," Draco admitted pathetically.

^^That's so sad! You mean you've had a crush on him this whole time, but you've hated him because of it?^^

"I…I guess so. You sure it's just me and not just a ploy to take over the world?"

//Positive. The only reason he affects you the way he does is purely because you fancy him. I really don't think he does it on purpose either. Quite frankly, you may be the only guy alive who would get a hard on while watching Harry Potter eat toast//

Draco paused to think wistfully of Harry's peculiar eating habits, smiling and beginning to feel a bit warm in the nether regions at the thought of Harry's tongue lapping up errant trails of honey.

"Oh My God. I'm gay. And I have a crush on Harry Potter!" Draco looked as though the whole world as he knew it suddenly altered off of its regular course through reality. Draco's eyes opened wide in a flash of understanding and in an instant he jumped out of bed so quickly that he left behind all the voices in his head to wonder just what it was that Draco was on about. All the voices, that is, except for voice number five who suddenly popped full force into the forefront of Draco's mind with a newfound commanding presence.

~All right Draco! Let's go get him!~

*****

Harry was sitting forlornly in the Gryffindor commons room. Despite himself, he couldn't stop thinking about Draco. Well, to be perfectly honest, he wasn't even trying to stop thinking about him. It was all he wanted to do. He had run back to his dorms, all the way thinking about Draco. He had taken a shower, thinking about Draco. He had gotten dressed while thinking about Draco. And now he sat in the commons room doing absolutely nothing but thinking about Draco. Although, he was doing something else if you could claim that staring at a tiny dot labeled "Draco Malfoy" on his Maurader's Map counted as doing something other than thinking about Draco. For quite some time he saw that Draco was just sitting still in his bedroom, presumably in his bed if Harry could remember the configurations of the room properly. To anyone else it would have seemed mind-numbingly boring to stare at an unmoving dot on a map, but the fact that it was Draco made the activity absolutely riveting to Harry for whatever reason.

//Hey Harry, what's wrong? You've been staring at that dot for a ridiculously long time now.//

"Oh, I don't know," Harry said to himself. "I'm just thinking about Draco."

//Heh, anyone would think you were in love with him, you know.//

"Me? In love with Draco? Get real. //

//Sure, that's what it looks like to me. Obviously you can't stop thinking about him.//

"He's an arrogant prick, though! Everyone knows that! Although, sure he's hotter than hell, who wouldn't want his body?"

//Yeah, but I'm not talking about Draco's body. I've got a suspicion deep down inside that you really care for the boy.//

"You're delusional."

//Am I? I'm not the one sitting here mooning over Draco. //

"I'm not mooning over anyone, least of all Draco." Harry said almost bitterly.

//No? Then tell me, what were you thinking about him, just now?//

"I…I was thinking a lot of things, really…"

//Name one. //

"I was thinking about…making sandwiches with him."

//Well, that has nothing to do with wanting Draco's body, does it?//

"It…it does, I think…."

//No Harry, it doesn't. It sounds like you just really liked spending time with him.//

"So? I fail to see your point."                                                                                                                            

//My point is, that right now you're mooning over Draco because you want him to be here with you. //

"But, I hate him. How can I want to be with him when he makes me so angry?"

//Think about this carefully Harry. Are you angry with him when he's around, or when he's not around? I mean, the last time you were really angry with Draco, what was the reason?//

"I was angry with him when he left me here tied up."

//Exactly. Tied up, _alone_. If he hadn't done that you wouldn't have been angry with him at all, would you?//

"Well of course not! Because then I wouldn't have been tied up alone in the commons room!"

//Although currently you're not exactly chipper right now are you?//

"No of course I'm not! I'm sitting all by myself in the commons room!"

//Although this time, Draco had nothing to do with it did he?//

"Well of course he's got something to do with it! I wouldn't be alone right now if he weren't being a prat and sitting by himself in the Slytherin dorms! He's just a prat and there's nothing to do about it!"

//But he wasn't a prat last night when you and he were making sandwiches together?//

"Well duh! Then he hadn't left me by myself in the commons room!"

//So you admit that you are upset with him when he isn't around?//

"I….Uh…Oh Crap!" Harry's eyes suddenly widened to twice their usual size. "Oh Holy Fuck!"

//Now you're beginning to see it!//

"But this is horrible! I'm in love with Draco!"

//Why is it horrible?//

"Because…because…I don't know. Cause I'm sitting here and he's on the other side of the school ignoring me. I can't be in love with Draco! It'll ruin me! He'll never want to be with me! I'll be alone forever!"

//Harry, why don't you pay closer attention to the map?//

Harry had been staring down at the map the whole time, but he wasn't really registering what he was seeing. The little dot labeled Draco had recently started moving again, darting around in quick, frantic movements around the room. It was now running very quickly in a straight line right out of the Slytherin dorms. If Harry couldn't clearly see that there was no one else around him, Harry would have suspected that he was running away from someone.

"What's he doing?" Harry asked, but he could very soon see the answer for himself. It became apparent that Draco was running as fast as he could straight towards the Gryffindor dorms. 

"My god. He's coming here!" In a split second Harry was out of his seat and bolting out the door, all the while gripping the map to make sure that he was headed straight for Draco.

*****

Draco's head, despite the fact that he now saw certain things far clearer than he ever had in his entire life, was in a complete muddle. All he knew was that he wanted to go and see Harry. Now. After hopping out of bed he franticly ran about his room, trying to figure out what to do next.

"Should I get dressed? Do I need to take a shower? Maybe I should brush my hair at least? And what should I wear? Oh God! I have no idea what to wear! Does Harry like me in black? Should I dress up or down? I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!"

~Get a hold of yourself man!~  
"I can't! I'm too nervous! What if I make a fool of myself in front of Harry!"

~Look, think of it this way, Harry's already seen you in a dress, he's seen you drunk, he's seen you with honey dripping down your face, he's seen you lying in an omelet, he's even seen you with bed-head, I don't think that you can go down from there!~

"Is that supposed to be comforting?"

~What I'm getting at is that now is not the time to be worrying about getting ready. I advise hightailing out of here just as you are and finding Harry as quickly as possible. Worry about the details later. Okay?~

"Oh. Okay."

And with that agreed upon, Draco ran as fast as he could, barefoot and still in his pajamas and with his hair sticking up at all sorts of odd angles, straight for the Gryffindor dormitories.

*****

As Draco quickly rounded a corner in his frantic flight to find Harry, he did just that. With a smack Harry and Draco ran into each other and, loosing their balance, fell to the ground; Draco sprawled on top of the gorgeous Gryffindor. 

"What the fuck?" was the first response that flew from Draco's mouth, but after a flash second he realized that he'd managed by sheer accident to find himself exactly where he meant to be, on top of Harry Potter. 

"Good lord Draco, I was just going ask if you wanted to hang out with me, but if you want to go straight to the fucking, that's fine with me."

Draco blushed rather more sweetly that Harry ever thought possible, but he didn't venture to move off of his perch on top of the famous Harry Potter.

"I…I was just coming to ask you the same."

"Ask to hang out or ask to fuck? 'Cause I'm honestly amenable to either suggestion."

Despite the ever-increasing blush, Draco valiantly continued.

"I mean….I was just going to…um…ask you out actually." Draco was now going bright red. He hadn't planned on asking Harry out at all. As a matter of fact, that was something that his dignity usually forbade. Lying on top of Harry, however seemed to succeed in resulting not only in allowing him to throw precedence to the wind, but it also seemed to be throwing all of Draco's brain cells out with it. 

"Ask me out?" This was definitely unexpected to Harry. No doubt he had hoped that Draco would be willing to hang out with him for a while, and quite frankly he even expected as much as a quick grope if not a proper fuck, but he honestly never expected Draco Malfoy to ever ask him out!

"I…uh…I mean…was that the wrong thing to ask?" Draco was getting very worried all of a sudden. He had no idea really how these things worked. It's not like there's a handbook for boys telling you how to make advances on you arch nemesis with whom you are amorously infatuated.

"Well, do you mean 'ask out' in the puerile sense of walking to class holding hands or in the actually go out on a date sense?"

"Erm, both?" Draco said hesitantly.

"You want to walk to class holding my hand!?"

"Well that wasn't specifically what I had in mind. I mean, classes aren't even in session right now, are they?"

"Um…no, I guess they aren't. So…What exactly were you thinking?"

"I don't really think I was thinking at all to be perfectly honest. I…can't really find my brain just now."

"No?"

"No. Not really." 

~Hey, Draco. I know I told you earlier not to worry about looking like a fool, but um, I would suggest that you maybe work on that a little bit. If I were you I'd think about doing anything other than staring at Harry like an idiot.~

This seemed to Draco to be perhaps a good idea. Since he honestly couldn't find his brain for long enough to come up with anything even halfway intelligent to say, he put his mouth to the best use he could think of with as little thinking involved as possible. He closed the small gap between himself and Harry and pressed his mouth hesitantly down on top of Harry's own wonderful, wonderful mouth.

"Oh!" was all Harry could think of to say once their lips separated. "I think I just lost my brain as well. Is this normal?"

"I don't know. It's never happened to me before." 

This time it was Harry who closed the distance, grabbing firmly onto Draco's head and pulling their lips together in a slightly more surer kiss than before.

"So Draco, have you figured out what you meant by asking me out?"

"Uh…I think I want to hold hands."

"What!?" Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"I mean…I think I want to go out with you in the sense where I…uh…you know…get to be your boyfriend."

"So…you want to be an item? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah…I think so…"

"You don't want to test the waters first by taking me out on a date?"

"We can do that too. Are you saying that you're not sure if you want to be my boyfriend?"

"I'm not necessarily saying that. I'm quite honestly surprised that you want to be mine, though."

"Well I really didn't mean to ask you out, it just happened."

"Oh." Harry's face fell. "So shall I just forget that you ever said it?"

"No! What I meant was that I'd just come to see if you…fancied a fuck…." For all the times that Draco had used that word today alone, it truly surprised Harry to see him blushing as he said it now. "But you were so…beautiful really…and I just all of a sudden pictured you and I walking to Hogsmede together holding hands."

"So you do want a date?"

"Yeah, I guess so…. Would you fancy going to Hogsmede with me, Harry Potter?"

"I'd love to!" Harry punctuated his acquiescence with a kiss.

It was quite some time before the two of them managed to stop kissing and get up off the floor, but finally it was the prospect of going on their first official date together than convinced them to get up.

"Draco…you're still wearing your pajamas!"

"Er….yeah…I was in such a hurry to see you that I really couldn't be bothered to change," he admitted sheepishly.

Harry felt a sudden warm swelling in his chest and kissed Draco once again.

"Well why don't we go and get you some real clothes on and then we can go to Hogsmede, okay?"

"Okay. But, uh…is it okay if….I dress you?"

"What?"

"Well honestly Harry, this outfit is awful, where did you come up with it? I mean, that particular shade of blue should never be mixed with that awful shade of brown."

Harry blushed as his new boyfriend dragged him off to the Slytherin dormitories to be trussed up like a living doll.

"Just one thing, though, Draco…Please don't put me in that silly green dress!"

Harry worried slightly when he saw Draco pout in disappointment, but he followed him anyway.

*****

A/N: The next chapter really oughtn't take too long to get out. Draco and Harry will go out on their date and hopefully get laid more than once in the process!  Please leave a review! I'm starting from scratch in that department and it's kind of embarrassing looking!


	8. A Rather Interesting Date

Wow, thank you guys so much for all the wonderful reviews! I love you guys SOOOO Much!!! I know that I'm not the fastest at updating, but "what do you want speed or accuracy?" (That's a line from a movie, by the way, whoever can tell me which movie gets ten points.) Comedy may come naturally to me, but even the best comedian needs to spend time perfecting her jokes, so I hope you all understand why I can't update once every three days. "If you rush a miracle you get rotten miracles." (Also a movie line.) Anyway, I'd like to thank you all personally to show you how much you all mean to me. I have no friends outside of my reviewers, so you are all my best friends.

****

Hana-Chan: Thank you, I love thinking of you laughing out loud at my story! **Courteney**: I'm so glad you were able to find my story again. I'm very flattered that you put me on your favorites list! **Mark182**: OKAY OKAY! I wrote more!! Don't have a heart attack! **Amarantha Liriel**: Well I do rather try to be random, being the same as everyone else is boring! **Slashybubble**: Wow, thanks for the gushing fan scene! Yes, Ron and Hermione will eventually find out, and hopefully in a rather unorthadox manner. ; ) **Black Night**: I'm sorry for making you wait more than two days, I hope you managed successfully to not wet your pants, though. **Fang**: thanks, not a lot of people call this story beautiful, so that was rather nice. At least people stopped calling it desturbing. It is nice to know that I can write humor that can also be touching, though, so thanks. **Shades**: you are more than welcome to keep Honey!Harry to yourself, though Draco just may want to share. The sandwich discussion was _supposed_ to be silly, that was part of the joke. They're taking eachother very seriously over a very silly subject, that's why it's funny! *feels personally silly for having to explain her jokes* Thanks for trademarking Draco's Voices, by the way, very flattering! **Remmy**: Thanks for supporting me and thanks for the hugs : ) **FW Viper**: Wow! You're still reading my story? I feel so special! *****gushes*** **Everyone go read his stuff! I personally think that he's absolutley marvelous! *would be licking FW Viper's ass but he's gay and I'm a lesbian and it really wouldn't work out* **DancingRain**: I'm glad I can be here to fill your need for humorous fluff. I find it interesting that you didn't like the Voices, so many other people did, but personally, they weren't my fave part, but I kept them in because of the favorable reviews of them. **TheBloodDoll**: You _would_ think of Dumbledore's sandwich comment as perverted wouldn't you? I put in a little bit about that in this chapter just for you! And by the way, if you're ever in Portland, I'd be more than willing to make a sandwich for you! **Stewart**: The funniest? Really? Gosh, thanks! **Nagini**: Thanks for the hugs, much needed at all times**. A Big sign That Says FLAME ME**!: Messed up? What do you mean messed up? *Looks confused* I thought everyone fell in love over sandwiches! I'm glad you agree with my dream issue, it's a very odd thing, but it is true! **Oili**: Okay, here's the next chapter, keep your pants on! **Margaret**: I heartally agree with you, FF.N is being silly, but that's the way of the world. C'est la vie. **Ruz**: Thanks, you're very kind : **) Rose Madder**: Heh heh, no evidentily you weren't the only one who thought that Dumbledore line was perverted. I swear to God, though, that it was completely unintentional! It nice to think that you were fretting over not getting an update, but never fear, I wouldn't leave you guys in the lurch like that, I'm having way too much fun writing this story! **Random Slytherin 1**: I must admit that I'm also relieved to not be the only lesbian with an unhealthy interest in Draco. I have been a bit worried, but dammit, he's just too pretty! I do hope, though, that I'm not going to hell in a handbasket because of it! Thankfully in my own version of Christianity, one does not go to hell for being a lesbian who writes about Draco being shagged in a dress! **Nameless**: Well, I'm not sure whether the stinky Cheese Man rules or not (that was one helluva terrifying dream about him wanting to kill me!) But I'm very glad that you think my story is great! **Caffinated Michelle**: No, I'm sure you're not. I actually reread my story from time to time for reference, and everytime I reread the sandwich section, I just can't help it, I get all randy and have to rush out and by myself some more turkey. By the way, if anyone's interested, I believe that Michelle here is one of the few writers that has written a story more disturbing than mine! You know, michelle, there's a passage in a book called "Queer Thirteen" about two boys getting randy in a dumpster! I read that and I laughed because I couldn't help but thinking about your story! **Magick**: Thanks for commending my guts. I'm usually not a brave person, though, I'm just rather underhanded. That's why I'd be a Slytherin rather than a Griffindor. **Ru Av Natten**: Thanks hon! I rather liked Draco's rant myself, not a lot of people comment on it, but I loved writing that. It actually was the reason I took so long to update, that scene took quite a while for me to get perfect. By the way, when are you going to update Summertime Singularity? I miss it**! Lux Murci**: Thanks, I love getting your reviews, you're so enthusiastic. I know it would have been nice if they were naked, but I loved the thought of them in Christmas colored pajamas! Don't worry, though, They'll get naked again, I promise you. It's all about timing, though. **Melanie**: I'm glad you love my story : ) **Icegem**: SO happy that you loved that chapter, I worked rather hard on it. I'm working on getting them laid, though I don't think it happens per se in this chapter, there is a rather interesting bit of sexual interaction that I invented just for Draco and Harry. I hope you like it. **HoshiShoujoKageShinigamiBUNNYB**: uh, yeah, do you think your name is long enough? I mean, It would be a crying shame for you to realize one day that it was just a tad too short. Just kidding, sorry. Yes, well anyway…I'm very glad myself that they finally got together. They're quite thick headed little boys, it took a great deal of persuasion on my part to make them see my way. I'll see what I can do, by the way to create a lion and dragon centerpiece for you that actually will attempt to get it on during supper. It may take some time, though, my initial attempts at the design have been unsuccessful. **Mandraco**: A heckuvun interesting story eh? Yes, I rather thought so myself. Well we do try don't we? **Franthephoenix**: Thanks for putting me in your faves! I'm honoured! But don't you know anything? It's all about the mayonnaise! It brings out the flavor of the turkey! **~Mary~**: Drool, huh? Very flattering, it's not every day one gets drooled on! I'm so glad that you've been enjoying my story, though! **Lilah Morgan**: Holy fuck! You sure do know how to flatter a girl! Terry Pratchette? Really? God, you have no idea what that means to me. Well, you probably do know considering that he's your fave author. He's my absolute fave author as well. The funny thing is that it had been a year since I last read anything of his, so when I read your review, I went to my shelf and picked up one of his books and you're right! I do write kind of like him! I'm quite surprised! I'd always wanted to be like him, but I never assumed that it would come naturally! I actually met him once, it was the greatest moment of my life! I do hope to publish a novel of my own, and I do have original writing that I work on, but I'm never sure what would be appropriate subject matter for publishing, or what people would want to read. I want to write books for young adults that deal with being a sexual minority, but problems arise in that 1. I still haven't come out to my family and if I wrote something like that, the subject would be forced to come up and I'm a big coward 2. I know that I write comedy really well, but I don't know if it would be appropriate to write about serious subjects in a jovial tone. I sometimes thing about writing something that's just silly fun, but then I think that I'm wasting my ideas. So many problems that I have no idea how to deal with them, so that's why I write fan fiction. Thank you so much for your confidence in me, though, and if I do manage to publish something, I'll let you know personally. **Browneyescat**: Yes yes, don't wet yourself, I've updated! Yes, Dumbledore is indeed a crack fiend, (which would be an interesting story, wouldn't it?) I do have plans for making him involved in their relationship in a rather amusing way in later chapters. Don't worry about rambling to me, I'm a classic rambler. I love the fact that you can find comparisons between my story and your own life. I'd like to think that as well as making people laugh, that I'm also making them think. It really is fascinating to me that I am indeed not the only person who has had dreams like that, because I've never talked to anyone about it before. It was funny, though, cause I did tell a friend once about it, and how I felt it meant that I way gay, and she pointed out the fact that many years before (long before I realized I way gay) that I'd told her about a dream about a guy I'd kind of had a crush on ( I don't remember this dream at all, but apparently she does) but Evidently I'd dreamt that this guy turned into a girl, and at the time she thought it was rather odd, but said it made sence when I told her about my later dreams . So you see, even though I didn't intellectually know at the time that I way gay, my subconscious was trying to tell me! There see, I ramble too. **Cornsilk**: Thank you, I shall take all of your ideas into consideration. Definitely I will try to get some more honey action, as well as some exabitionist table action. Harry won't be getting anywhere near as many voices as Draco, though, because, face it, Draco is fucked up in the head. Harry does get a new voice, though, well, really it's more of one of his appendages offering him a bit of advice, you'll see. **Lina Inverse the Dramata**: get control over yourself, girl! Breath, BREATH! Better now? Should I perhaps put up a warning label? WARNING: Pregnant women and people with heart conditions should not read this story! *Sniggers* You reviewers crack me up! **J_J**: I'm so happy you're so happy! I just hope that I can continue to make those of you looking for an NC-17 story satisfied, I'm trying to be creative, though. I actually think I made up a new sexual position for this chapter, actually, so that will be fun, wont it? **Forgotten Loss**: Really? If you fell off a cliff? Well that is a compliment isn't it? I didn't think the chapter was _that_ good! Hmm, maybe I should put up another warning. WARNING: Reading this story while walking near cliffs may be hazardous to your health! **Artemisia**: Oh dear, I'm corrupting minors. This can't be good. Bad girl! What was I doing when I was fourteen? I don't remember, too long ago. I don't seem to remember any gay kiddy porn, though. No…you're definitely too young. But, I can't stop you, and I like the reviews. My sister, though, was having sex fantasies since she was 10, and she thinks that I was sexually repressed, so maybe you're a normal healthy girl and I was the messed up one. Actually, I think I was twenty when I really started thinking about sex. Maybe that's cause I hadn't heard of lesbian porn before then….hmmm…. **Ky Lupin**: What!? I only get fake tears? That's gratitude for you! No, really, thanks, It's nice to know that I make you happy**. Night Spirit**: Gosh, I'm so happy that you think my story's brilliant! I try hard, really I do. I hope I don't disappoint. **TanisaFyre**: So, did you put honey on the sandwich? I'm waiting to here from someone who's tried it. It honestly is good! **Jyllury**: I'm glad you think I rock. I'm sorry I don't update my website all that often, I think I've updated the chapters to this story, I'm working on adding more stories and pictures and stuff, but what can I say, I'm lazy. Sorry. **SpoilAPrincess**: I'll try to get drunk more often when I write, but most of the time I write during my lunch break at work or school, and well, there are rules…. **Morien Alexander**: Hmm. You know, I think I read something of yours recently that I really liked, I just can't remember what it was. Whatever it was, though, rest assured that I really enjoyed it. That's a really weird complement isn't it? I think I'll have to go and find your story again and give you a proper review. I'm so glad that you seem to think that I've kept Draco at least partially in character, because, lord knows I've taken liberties! **Tracev**: Wow, I'm really flattered that you enjoyed my story even though you don't read H/D stories usually. That's quite the complement! **Lise**: hee hee, I'm glad you think my storie's insane. Have you tried a turkey sandwich with honey, though? It honestly is extremely good! **Violet Rose**: Glad you thought it was fabulous. Yes, Dumbledore is nutty like that isn't he? **BUG**: Gosh, thanks! It really does still amaze me people like you really do find my story that funny. I mean, I know I try, but it still comes as a surprise! I like the "dastardly plan to take over the world" part too. It's always fun when reviewers pick out parts that I especially love myself!

Wow, that took a long time! But you guys are all worth it! And since I can't very well exchange sexual favors for reviews, the least I can to for you wonderful people is to let you all know how much I love you so very dearly! *Attempts to lick all your guys' asses but manages to only get her computer monitor wet, and shrugs, cause it needed cleaning anyway*

SO On to Chapter 8!!!! 

****

A Rather Interesting Date

"Oh. Holy. Jesus."

It occurred to Harry for the first time, that the sweet stuttering boy with the pajamas and the bed head and that adorable blush who had asked him out that very same morning was not the boy whom he would consequently end up dating.

"Well Harry, are you going to get dressed or not? 'Cause I'm all ready to go." Draco spoke with an astounding level of casualty considering his current state of dress.

"Draco, are you really going to wear…that?" Harry wasn't perhaps the most eloquent nor articulate wizard, but his current inability to find even a single word to describe his boyfriend's current state of dress was not at all to be held against him due to lack of effort.

"You don't like it?" Draco looked down at his offending outfit with a touch of sadness. "I thought that you of all people would understand."

"Why should I understand any more than the next guy?"

"Well, you know, given the nature of our…erm…courtship…. I really assumed that you'd like it." Draco looked as though he were about to cry.

"Oh don't be like that, please Draco! You'll smear your…. Eyeliner?" Harry let out a sigh and crossed the room to hold his boyfriend in what he hoped was a comforting much rather than patronizing manner. "I guess I just assumed that you had been wearing that dress that morning because you'd been drunk. I never dreamed that it was an habitual thing. I mean, is this honestly how you dress up when you go out?"

"Well not really. I always figured that no one would understand, so I only dressed like this in private. I was really excited to be able to dress up like this for you. If it disturbs you, though, I'll understand if you want to leave me."

"Draco, I'm not going to dump you after only forty-five minutes because of this! Besides, when I agreed to go out with you, you were wearing wrinkly pajamas with egg stains on the bottom and you had bed head! So obviously I didn't agree solely based on the state of your attire! I…I like you, Draco; I like being with you. Most people get quite boring after you've known them a while, but I have a feeling that being with you is _never_ going to get boring."

"Is that a good thing then?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh. He pushed Draco away so he was at arms length and gave him a thorough look over. Draco was wearing a black leather miniskirt and a ribbed turtleneck jumper with knee high lace up boots. His hair fell loose around his face, framing his gorgeous eyes which were accentuated perfectly with heavy black eye makeup. All around Harry was surprised to find that he was without a doubt the most stunning thing he'd ever laid eyes upon, regardless of the unconventionality of the ensemble. 

"I think, Draco, that it will be a very good thing."

"And you aren't going to be ashamed of being seen with me like this?"

"If you can handle it, I'm sure I can as well. I think one would be mad to not want to be known as your boyfriend."

Draco's face lit up with relief and, to Harry's great dismay, mischief.

"Now I know I promised already not to put you in a dress and I fully intend to keep that promise! But I think you would look gorgeous beyond words wearing this!"

Harry tried in vain to suppress a groan when Draco came out of the closet holding an outfit that Harry knew he would end up wearing one way or another.

So it came to pass that after a fair bit of arguing, a few feigned tears, some light snogging, a great deal of struggling on Harry's part, and a lot of persistence, brute force, and a well timed hand job on Draco's part, Harry Potter got dressed. 

"Draco, I feel silly," Harry complained as they made their way out of the castle. 

"Shut up. You do not look silly. Quite frankly, you look so hot that I'm very seriously contemplating coming in my pants right about now."

"You're not wearing any pants."

"My point exactly! You must be spectacularly gorgeous to induce me to contemplate coming in my pants despite my blatant lack of the aforementioned items. Don't you agree Professor?"

"Oh God." Harry had really hoped that they could have escaped from the castle without detection. It was, as with most things in Harry Potter's life, too much to hope for, as he now stood face to face with Professor Snape who was eyeing both of them in an appraising manner.

"I must admit, Mr. Potter, that though I have no taste for the fashion myself, I do find that it is infinitely preferable to you walking about as god intended. For though I'm sure God put a great deal of forethought into creating that particular ensemble, I find that the moment of drunkenness that induced this poor excuse for an outfit should be marked down in history as a momentous occasion that saved me from having to look once again at your sorry self in a state of being 'in the pink' as it were. And Mr. Malfoy I must commend you as well, blue gingham doesn't appear to suit you half as well as black leather. I take it based on your apparel that you are headed for church?"

Harry blushed deeply, but Draco merely grinned and answered, "No, Sir, I'm taking Potter's skirt out for a drink!"

It was at that moment Draco Malfoy's and Severus Snape's utter delight to see Harry Potter's face attempt to simultaneously turn bright red and white as a sheet. 

"YOU SAID IT WASN'T A BLOODY SKIRT!!!!"

If it weren't for his many years at perfecting a straight face, there would have been little possibility of Draco restraining his laughter at that given moment.

"I assure you, Mr. Potter, that is no skirt!" came a familiar Scottish accent from behind them. "We prefer to call it a kilt."

McGonagall now rounded to face them, trying to suppress her utter joy at seeing Harry Potter in a kilt and leather jacket.

"That," she exclaimed, pointing to Draco's lower half, "is a skirt."

"Hey! This isn't just a freaking skirt!" Draco protested indignantly. "This is a Paris Original!" 

Words completely failed even the most eloquent of the party, who merely chose to give Draco his best "are you on crack?" look. (A/N: For visual reference for said look, check out the movie. At the end of the troll scene, when Hermione says that it was her fault, Snape gives her the greatest "are you on crack?" look, I always crack up at that!)

"Okay, Draco, whatever you say." Interestingly enough the only one present who didn't catch the strong patronizing overtones in Harry's comment was Draco. "I think," Harry continued, now addressing the two professors, "that we'll be going now."

It was with that said that Harry managed to extricate themselves from further conversation which would have promised no less than utmost degradation and quite possibly a month of detentions if Draco were truly determined to give the two professors lectures on what constitutes a good sense of fashion and why, exactly, they would continue to fall miserably short.

Thus they left behind two professors who, besides being far more amused than they would care to admit, were also far more turned on than they would ever admit even upon pain of death. This was, naturally, only to be expected from Professor McGonagall, who was, after all, a lifetime subscriber to "Wizards in Kilts," a fine bit of monthly literature that had the integrity to leave out most of the interfering lengthy articles that tended to get in the way of a witches enjoyment of kilted Wizards. Severus Snape, on the other hand, would be damned to hell before he ever admitted that boys in black leather miniskirts did anything to encourage his much neglected libido.

"God help us."

"Oh, oh, yes indeed…." McGonagall was deeply lost in thought, contemplating whether "Wizards in Kilts" would be interested in a centerfold of The-Boy-Who-Lived.

*****

"Oh shit Draco! You can't do that here, this is a public place!"

"No one's watching."

"Still, I did not agree to wearing this kilt just so that you could feel me up every free chance you got! And…when did you take off your shoe?"

Draco just grinned lasciviously and continued his ministrations.

"You like it, you know you do. And I like seeing you squirm."

"If I'm squirming it's because I'm rather unused to receiving…god, I don't even think there's a word for it…. Foot job?"

Draco snorted loudly, bringing for the first time, a few curious glances in their direction. Harry did his best to look casual and as if he under no circumstances had Draco's long toes wrapped around his cock. Fortunately for him, the only sort of people who come into the Three Broomsticks on a Christmas Eve aren't the type to care whether or not there's a boy in a skirt giving a foot job to The-Boy-Who-Lived. When the curious eyes abated, Harry addressed his boyfriend once again.

"What had gotten into you, Draco? Since when had Mr. 'I'm not gay' become the boy who couldn't keep his hands, or his feet, off of my dick?"

Much to Harry's barely veiled disappointment, Draco's foot was suddenly no where near the vicinity of between his thighs. 

"As a rule, Potter, I prefer to act completely irrationally and never choose to account for my behavior. If you don't like me touching you, though, you only had to say so."

Harry pondered for a moment whether this manic side to Draco was a side effect of his medications, or whether it was why he was on medications in the first place.

"I'm sorry," Harry automatically offered, though he wasn't entirely sure what it was that he was supposed to be sorry for. Harry was a fortunate sort of youth in that, despite the fact that he thought with his dick like all other boys his age, he had been blessed with a dick that had and amazing grasp of logic, and therefore, knew exactly what would increase it's chances of having intimate relations with Draco Malfoy's toes.

Draco grinned sweetly, pleased to have won that argument so quickly. When he felt Harry's foot hook hesitantly behind his ankle, he conceded to the silent request and lifted his foot back up to be placed once again most lovingly on his boyfriend's bare balls, this time adding his second foot as well.

"You do realize that I'm not wearing any shorts either," Draco suddenly stated much as one would if one were commenting on the weather or the state of the roads.

"And…your point would be?" Harry himself was extremely proud of his calm demeanor; only the slightest hitch in his voice betraying the fact that, given not even another minute of Draco's pedicular attentions, he would be coming all over his kilt. 

"You're going to come soon, aren't you? Should I stop?"

"Yes…I think that you may prefer not to have to send a come covered kilt to the cleaners."

"Nice alliteration," Draco said with a smile, giving no indication of stopping.

"Draco…I…told you…"

Draco sniggered quietly as he noticed Harry's knuckles turning white as he gripped the table even harder, desperately trying to keep his orgasm at bay. There is that point, though, when even visions of Dumbledore and Dobby will not save a normal healthy young wizard from coming hard all over Draco's perfectly pedicured feet. 

"Shit Draco," Harry exclaimed in as subtle a whisper as possible considering he was rather out of breath from having not yet recovered from having orgasmed as a result of Draco's almost impossibly talented feet. "why didn't you stop? I said I was going to come!" Walking into a pub wearing a kilt had been degrading enough for Harry, but he didn't even dare think of the humiliation involved in leaving the self same pub with a come covered kilt

"Relax you silly Gryffindor! You'd think that The Savior Of The Wizarding World of all people would be able to remember that he's a wizard!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

With a swish and a flick and a couple of choice words, Harry's kilt as well as Draco's feet were cleared of all incriminating evidence that would ever suggest that Harry Potter had just become The-Boy-Who-Came-In-Public.

"All better?" Draco asked as he wiggled his way back into his boots. "I can safely assume that you're not bored yet."

"No," Harry admitted with his patent pending 'long suffering sigh' which really would have been more convincing if he weren't still dazed by his first foray into the world of public sex. "I'm definitely not bored."

And nor did it seem that Harry would have the chance to be bored any time in the near future.

"'scuse me," came and unsteady and definitely drunk voice from over their shoulders. "I wonder if I might persuade the beautiful blond to join me on the dance floor."

"What!?"

"He said," replied Harry trying to hide a smirk, "that he wants to dance with you."

"Dance with me? Not bloody likely!"

"Come on honey, it'll be fun." The drunk Wizard grabbed hold of Draco's arm and started pulling him up out of his seat.

"Hey, I don't know who you think you are," Harry said in his best intimidating stance which usually would have done the trick (him being the savior of the Wizarding world and all) but in this instance it fell a little short of his expectations as it only managed to draw attention to the fact that he was wearing what really did look considerably like a schoolgirl's uniform skirt. "But we happen to be on a date!" Harry gestured between himself and Draco.

Immediately the Wizard's face soured and he threw Draco roughly back down in his seat.

"What are you two? A couple of dykes?" 

"Mister Birchman!" Suddenly a very lived Madam Rosmerta appeared beside their table. "I have told you time and again that if you cannot be more polite to my lady customers then I will have to ask you to leave!" She shoved the wizard out of the door and returned promptly back at the boy's table.

"I am so very sorry about that, Ladies." Madam Rosmerta spoke in soft apologetic tones to the boys, mistaking their shocked faces to be the result of their ill treatment by Mr. Birchman. "I understand how difficult it must be for young witches of your persuasion to find a welcoming and understanding place free of the violence that so often gets directed at lesbian witches these days. I hope you do realize that the disgusting sentiments of that rude wizard are by no means shared by this establishment. And I truly hope that you will not let this incident affect you opinion of us, nor cause you to discontinue your patronage altogether!"

"Rosmerta, I think you've misunderstood somewhat…" Harry began.

"Oh no! I understand completely, I assure you! I was much like yourself once. Never able to bring my girlfriends home, yet never able to take them out in public either. It's a very trying time in your life, I know, and the least I can offer you is a safe haven from the world that is so often reluctant to accept those like you and me."

"No, you really don't understand, we're not lesbians!"

"Oh bless your heart, you're still in that stage are you? Yes I remember that dreaded denial stage. You know if you like, I know of a very good support group for questioning and queer witches. And there are plenty of witches from Hogwarts who attend regularly. I know there's Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bludstrode, Ginny Weasley…."

"Okay, Millicent I can totally understand," Draco admitted, "but Pansy and Weasley?" 

"Oh yes, they're the cutest couple, you know, they're practically leading the group! Real inspiration for the younger witches!"

For a moment both boys were too stunned to remember that there was still a very important matter to be cleared up regarding their masculinity.

Shaking his head a little as if trying to dispel the image of Ginny Weasley giving Pansy Parkinson head, Harry finally continued. "But you see the thing is, Rosmerta, that I'm Harry Potter!"

After a great deal of what Draco considered to be an unnecessary amount of gesturing to his scar, Harry finally managed to convince the barmaid not only of his own gender, but of the fact that his was supposed to be the most well known face in the wizarding world.

"Good heavens Harry! You should have stopped me long before I made such a fool of myself, I do hope that you'll forgive the mistake. Perhaps a couple of free butter beers for you and your girlfriend?"

Harry merely smiled and said, "I'm sure that she and I would appreciate that very much."

"Now hang on one bloody second!" Draco jumped up from his seat, slamming his fist down on the table. "What has a bloke got to do to prove his own fucking masculinity around here?"

Harry was sorely tempted to prolong the joke a bit longer, but it didn't take long for his ever so logical dick to pop up and remind him that the chances of him getting a piece of Draco's ass were positively nil if he continued to make a wasteland of Draco's already dubious masculinity.

"Madame Rosmerta,, this is Draco Malfoy, my boyfriend."

Draco himself was very pleased with the impressed reaction that his name incited in the barmaid.

"Draco Malfoy? Oh! Well that certainly explains a lot! I've heard so much about you, I must say that it's fabulous to finally see you in person. It really does clear up quite a few questions I've had."

"I'm sorry. Clears what up exactly?"

"It explains why Pansy Parkinson dated you for so long, of course! You really are the prettiest boy I've ever seen. I mean, I've heard the rumors, naturally, but I had quite a bit of difficulty in believing that Pansy 'the pussy loving' Parkinson could find any boy who was girly enough to please her! But as I said before, it's all perfectly clear. I mean, quite frankly, I'm reluctant even with the word of Harry Potter to believe that you really are a boy at all!"

That clinched it. Harry knew that the only way he would get a piece of Draco's ass would be if Draco were completely unconscious at the time, but even then, Harry wouldn't put it past Draco to put wards up around his ass.

The look of anger on Draco's face was now nearing dangerously high levels. It had definitely reached the "murder twelve people with one spell" level if not the "drop your skirt to prove your manhood" level, and Harry decided that getting Draco out of everyone's way would be most beneficial thing to do at that current moment. Fortunately Harry managed to Drag Draco out of the pub even before his zipper got all the way down.

"What are you doing? Let me go! They think I'm a girl!"

"No, you're overreacting and we are going home," Harry said forcibly as he yanked Draco's zip back up where it belonged (or at least where he preferred it to be when in public). "Now you and I both know you're a boy, and we both know that you've even been well endowed, but I'd prefer it if Madam Rosmerta and the dozen men back in the pub continued to take it on faith. You have to face the facts, though, Draco, you are wearing a skirt and have makeup on and you are…well…rather pretty." 

"You think I look like a girl too!?"

"No, Draco, I didn't say that, I merely implied that you are….an exceptionally gorgeous guy, and most people just aren't used to seeing guys as hot as you, so perhaps they assumed that you were a girl because of wishful thinking!" Harry was desperately trying to keep up with his dick which was thinking as fast as possible in order to give him even a chance in hell of getting another shot at Draco's ass, which was currently far more than he could reasonably dream of having.

"Wishful thinking?"

"Yes! You see both that man and Madam Rosmeta probably wanted to get into your pants, but neither of them date boys, so they wishfully imagined that you were a girl! Doesn't that make sense?"

Draco wasn't too sure about Harry's line of reasoning. He was used to logic that, by definition, was completely illogical, but faced with the rational thinking of Harry Potter's dick, Draco was somewhat overwhelmed.

"I…I think that makes sense…"

Harry started to breath a sigh of relief.

"…But I'm still going to kill them. No one questions Draco Malfoy's manhood and gets away with it!"

And so Draco sat down and started to plan the elaborate deaths of at least half a dozen people while Harry's dick had a good hard think about what it preferred to call "Operation Fuck Draco." 

******************

A/N: Okay, I hope this chapter pleased you! No fucking per se, but there was a hand job and a foot job And we did see the return of Drag!Draco! Next chapter we'll see how Harry's dick is coming along with "Operation Fuck Draco" It may not be as easy as it sounds! But don't worry, one way or another, someone's going to get a Good Old Fashioned Christmas Fuck!

By the way, there are way too may ways to make bad puns regarding Harry's dick. Can you find them or do I need to point them out for you? There are three purely coincidental puns contained in this chapter, well, actually one is in the note section, in the above paragraph, as a matter of fact! 

No voices in this chapter, but we did have the introduction of Harry's Dick. I think that Harry's Dick may become my new favorite character! I'll try and bring him up a bit more in the next chapter. Shit, there's another one! I'll try to stay away from bad puns in the future. 


	9. Christmas Eve

AN/ Happy Christmas! Here's what you've all waited for so patiently! I'm sorry about the delay, but I had the worst time writing this chapter. I wrote 6 other completely different versions before I hit this one. I worked super hard, and I think you'll really like it. It's funny, smutty, and fluffy all in one! Thank you all of you who left a review! You're all the most wonderful readers in the world!

And because you are all so wonderful, you get to see the drawings I did of Harry in a kilt that I did for my dear friend FW_Viper. You'll have to click and paste these links into the little address bar in order to go to them. They're pretty much Harry in the same outfit and pose, but the first one, Harry's a bit thinner and a bit more feminine, in the second one he looks a bit more macho and tough. Enjoy!

http://den236.tripod.com/art/LadyDoncaster/page1/KiltHarry1_copy2.html

http://den236.tripod.com/art/LadyDoncaster/page1/KiltHarry2_copy.html

* * * *

Christmas Eve

Draco always considered himself to be a good, kind hearted, and generous soul; the fact that he was also a delusional psychopath with multiple personality disorder was a matter of very little importance to him. The fact remained that in Draco's head, he honestly did believe that throughout his life he had attempted to see the best in people and love them all to the best of his ability so according to their merit; it wasn't his fault that fate decreed he should be surrounded by imbeciles with the wit, sophistication, and tact of a faun in heat. At Harry's insistence, Draco had tried to be nice, really he did, but he'd put up with a lot of shit so far that day and after a while, some things are simply past forbearance.

"Alright, now look here you nasty little fuck, if I have to put up with any more of this fucking sexual harassment, I'm going to personally remove your head and ram it up your ass!"

The whole dinner table fell silent. Harry flushed brilliantly and attempted to send out an apologetic glance that said, "honestly, I'm just with him for the sex " before turning to his boyfriend.

"Look, Draco, I know you've had a tough day, but I honestly don't believe that that qualifies as sexual harassment."

"Are you kidding me? Did you hear what he said to me!?"

"Yes, actually, I did. And I don't believe I'm alone here when I say that I honestly believe that when he asked you how you took it, the Headmaster was referring to the cup of tea he was pouring for you." Harry waited with baited breath for some response beyond the violent twitch in Draco's left eye.

"Plenty of milk, no sugar." And that, thankfully, was the end of that conversation.

*

When dinner was finally over, Harry had to admit that he had never been more glad. The fact that he and Draco had returned late from their date, forcing them to sit down to supper wearing a kilt and a leather miniskirt, respectively, was awkward enough. It didn't help that they learned that the main similarity between seventh year Ravenclaws and first year Hufflepuffs was their insatiable curiosity. The Ravenclaws seemed determined to learn as much as possible about transvestitism, no doubt so they could go back to their dorm and write a twenty page essay on the topic. For the most part, though, Draco managed to handle the situation quite well, calmly answering all of their questions. Granted, his answer was usually "none of your fucking business," but Harry was pleased that at the very least, he said it in such a way that the Ravenclaws seemed actually to believe that that was the real answer to "do you find that there is a certain level of sexual gratification received from dressing this way, or is it more of a way of attaining comfort in a moment of psychological distress?" The Hufflepuffs, on the other hand, were far less clinical and professional in their interrogations. They weren't quite as interested in the psychological origin of Draco's transvestitism so much as whether or not he still had a "thingy" and whether he wanted to get "boobies." Draco didn't handle these questions quite as well as he'd handled the Ravenclaws'. Harry was infinitely grateful, though, when the Ravenclaws finally intervened and explained to the Hufflepuffs the difference between being a transvestite and a transsexual. 

When the topic switched from Draco's dressing habits to their relationship, Harry didn't know whether to be relieved or apprehensive. Although, when one of the Hufflepuffs asked "when you guys '_do'_ it, does Draco have to pretend to be the girl?" Harry decided that 'apprehensive' was the understatement of the year. Draco really didn't recover after that point and merely got progressively worse, climaxing at the point that he accused the Headmaster of being a "nasty little fuck."

Yes, Harry was definitely glad when supper was over. He knew one thing, though, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Only with the aid of divine intervention would Harry be allowed to fuck Draco that night. 

*

The walk back to Draco's dorm was oppressively silent and Harry was desperate to lighten the mood. 

"Well, Draco, that was certainly an… interesting Christmas Eve supper."

Draco merely scowled and refused to answer.

"Of course, I must admit that the highlight of the evening may have been when McGonagall told that story about Snape almost leaving the castle wearing a Muggle woman's dress. Frankly, I don't buy his excuse for one second that he thought that it was men's clothing."

Draco still didn't answer, but the left side of his mouth lifted up in something akin to a smile, though that may have been wishful thinking on Harry part, as it just as easily could have been a sneer.

"Draco, you aren't angry with _me_ are you?"

"Now why would you think that?"

"Look, Draco, I've already apologized five times for telling that story."

"Yes, well that doesn't mean that you didn't do it. It really wasn't funny."

"Everyone else thought it was," Harry said, trying to suppress a laugh.

Draco glared.

"Oh, come on Draco, it was a great story. I promise you, one day you'll look back on today and be able to tell your grandchildren about it."

"If you think that I'm going to tell my grandchildren that on my first date I got hit on by four straight men and five lesbians, then you're totally psychotic!"

Harry didn't even try to hide his laugh now. "But Draco, it's got to be a world record or something! You could go down in history!"

"Look, I really just don't want to talk about it. The first time it was irritating, the next eight times were painfully embarrassing, I wouldn't count this as a day I particularly want to remember."

"Well how about this, I promise I wont mention it again until the time comes that I can tell my grandchildren about it, and I'll make sure that you're not home at the time so that you won't have to have the painful experience of reliving it one more time. But I swear, by that time you'll think it's funny and you'll be telling them yourself."

"Why would I want to tell _your_ grandchildren about the most embarrassing day of my life?"

Harry didn't reply, but only blushed furiously at his mistake.

"Holy fuck, Harry! It's our first date and you're already planning on grandchildren! Might I remind you that even if I were sticking with you for that long that we are **both** **wizards**!" 

Harry just blushed some more and Draco delighted himself by laughing openly at his boyfriend. He stopped quite suddenly, though, and turned towards Harry, all the color had drained from his face and the laughter was replaced now with unmitigated fury. 

"If you DARE get me pregnant Harry Potter, I swear on all that is holy that I WILL cut off your balls!"

Harry choked and sputtered and tried desperately to assure his boyfriend that he would never do such a thing and was quite sure that it wasn't even physically possible. Harry's dick, though, was suddenly was very nervous and wasn't at all sure if "Operation Fuck Draco" was such a good idea. 

*

When Harry and Draco got back to the Slytherin dorms, they were very surprised to find that the entire place had been decorated for Christmas. There were garlands everywhere and a large tree with fairy lights and all the ornaments were silver and green and red and gold. The ceiling had even been temporarily enchanted so that it looked like it was snowing inside. Hanging from the large iron chandelier in the center of the commons room was a very impressive amount of mistletoe. Harry noticed that the lion and dragon centerpiece from that morning had been placed on the mantle above the fireplace. They were currently engaged in nuzzling each other affectionately. 

Harry smiled warmly and turned to his boyfriend. Draco also appeared to have a very pleased expression on his face, which Harry was rather surprised to see. He wasn't at all surprised, though, when it turned into a mischievous expression. Nor was he surprised when he was forcibly drug to the center of the room, directly below the chandelier. He was surprised, though, with the gentleness of the kiss that graced his lips.

"So Draco, I take it that you still want to be my boyfriend?"

"Shut up, Gryffindork, I'm trying to kiss you," Draco said affectionately as he removed Harry's glasses.

The second kiss started out awkwardly, as both boys were trying not to laugh. But as soon as Draco's hands slipped round Harry's waist, drawing their bodies flush against each other, they started to kiss in earnest. A slight moan sounded in the back of Harry's throat when Draco parted his lips with his tongue. As their tongues played back and forth in each other's mouths, Harry would occasionally let his eyes flutter open to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend. Harry loved the sight of Draco's eyes shut in concentration and passion. Once, though, when Harry opened his eyes, he discovered Draco's silver eyes staring back at him. Time seemed to stop along with Harry's heart and their kissing. 

"You know, I may be totally off my trolley, but I think that I could spend the rest of my life just staring at you and die completely happy."

"Just stare at me for the rest of your life?" Draco asked with a raised eyebrow. "I seriously doubt you could do it."

"What!? Draco Malfoy isn't doubting his beauty is he? I simply cannot believe that."  
"I never said anything of the sort, I merely implied that I don't believe you could just look at me and not give into the temptation of doing more." Draco suddenly let go of Harry and backed away, walking over to one of the two couches that sat on either side of the fireplace. Draping himself across the sofa lewdly, Draco glanced seductively over at Harry. "Feel free to stare all you like. Just don't touch," he added with wicked grin.

Harry laughed a little at Draco's antics, but moved so that he was sitting on the couch opposite of Draco. 

"You do realize that according to your rules, you can't touch me either."

"Well, yes, but I have significantly more reserve that you do. A Malfoy never looses control."

Harry laughed inwardly, thinking back to all the times just since the beginning of Christmas Break that Draco had lost control. 

"All right Draco, I'm game. We'll see who looses control tonight." Harry was quite certain that he could have Draco begging for it in no time. Draco had, after all, been the one all day long who couldn't keep his hands, feet, tongue, lips and at one rather interesting moment, nose off of Harry's dick. Harry was quite positive that he had this bet already won. 

One by one Harry started removing items of his clothing until he was spread out on the couch wearing nothing but his kilt and a lustful gaze. Draco simply sat back and watched. Harry lifted up his kilt, baring his firm thighs and all but exposing himself. Draco raised an eyebrow in a disinterested manner. Harry removed the entire kilt and spread his legs. Draco smirked. Harry began stroking himself and moaning and panting in an extremely provocative manner. Draco laughed. Draco lifted one of his legs and propped it up on the couch, barely exposing himself to Harry. Harry nearly came. Harry crossed the short distance and crouched down in front of Draco, panting still and eyed the proof that Draco was aroused that only just peeked out from under Draco's skirt. Draco lifted his other leg, propping that one up on the edge of the couch as well, giving Harry a perfect view. Harry placed his hands on Draco's boots.

"No touching, remember?"

"I'm not touching you; I'm touching your boots."

Harry ran his hands along the black leather of Draco's boots, all the way up to the top, stopping just before he touched Draco's knees. Draco did nothing. Harry pushed Draco's knees further apart, forcing his skirt to ride up his thighs towards his waist as his legs were spread even further apart. Harry's dick jerked up despite itself. Harry licked his lips. Draco laughed softly. Harry placed his face in between Draco's thighs, stopping centimeters before he touched Draco's cock. Harry inhaled Draco's unique scent. He smelt of roses, leather, and sex. Harry was still panting; Draco could feel his warm breath against his genitals. 

"I concede," Harry said softly before nuzzling his face in Draco's crotch. 

Draco laughed an placed his hand on Harry's head, lacing his fingers through soft black hair, giving Harry his permission to touch him further. "I told you I'd win," Draco said, not unkindly.

Harry wondered what exactly happened to cause his perfect plan to fail so miserably as he began worshiping his lover's cock with his tongue. Harry wasn't supposed to loose control; Draco was the one who had been begging for this all day long. Harry decided to not worry about it as he enveloped Draco's cock in his mouth.

Draco was very pleased with himself. While his life philosophy generally did seem to involve simply taking whatever it was that he wanted, he knew only too well that being offered something freely wasn't what made it desirable. It was the forbidden that one wanted. Harry offering himself up to Draco was a very nice gesture, but it simply let him know that it was his for the taking anytime he wanted. Draco left on every piece of his clothing and only barely exposed himself and Harry's fate was sealed. Oh yes, Draco knew how to play this game only too well. No one could make Draco loose his control as completely as Harry just did.

Draco moaned appreciatively as Harry moved his mouth down his cock, briefly pausing to hold his testicles in his mouth before he placed a kiss on the inch of skin below his balls and then placed his tongue on Draco's entrance. Yes, Draco knew exactly how to get what he wanted. Draco's breathing began to speed up as Harry's tongue began its intimate exploration of Draco's ass. Draco wondered not for the first time how Harry had managed to obtain such a talented mouth, but he quickly forgot his musings as Harry's tongue began rhythmically massaging his prostate. 

"Oh God," he whispered, back arching up off the couch, his entire body reaching out to meet Harry's tongue. He tried desperately to maintain his previous composure, but when his entire body was screaming out Harry's name, composure is completely unattainable, even for a Malfoy. He sighed dejectedly, though, when the tongue was removed. Harry replaced it with a finger, though, to appease Draco as he spoke.

"Draco…" he panted lustily, "Let me fuck you."

Suddenly, Harry's hand was slapped away and Draco's legs were snapped shut.

"I'm sorry, but you can't."

"What do you mean? I'm not playing now, I'm serious. I want to fuck you." Harry grinned up at his boyfriend cheekily.

"I'm serious too, I'm not letting you fuck me. Whatever you think of me, and whatever may have happened in the past, I assure you that Malfoys are not bottoms!"

Harry's face fell as he realized that Draco was indeed serious. He had known deep down inside that his request wouldn't be permitted, at least not after a day like this, but his hopes had risen nonetheless, and were now scattered beneath his feet. Up till that point everything had been perfect and Draco enjoyed everything that he did to him, Harry was just so sure that he could have convinced the boy.

"I thought you were enjoying this."

"You have a very talented mouth, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to let you fuck me."

Harry was torn between being sad, furious, and still horny as hell. In the end, horny as hell seemed to win out. Draco didn't have time to know what hit him. Before he knew it, he was ruthlessly pushed back on the couch and his skirt was shoved up to his waist.

"Wait! What are you…? I told you…!"

"Don't worry, Draco, I'd never hurt you, but bottom or no, I'm still going to get off on you."

Draco gasped as Harry hopped on top of him, straddled his waist, and started thrusting their erections together. Harry noted that Draco must have deemed this activity acceptable, as it didn't take any time at all before he too was thrusting his hips up wildly, every bit as desperate as his partner to get off together. Harry found that it was no where as satisfying as actually fucking, but what they lacked in technique they more than amply made up in speed, enthusiasm, and sheer desperation to come. Despite being largely out of breath, both boys were shouting the other's name as they finally came, bodies shuddering in sweet release as they spilled a mixture of their seed all over Draco's "Designer's Original" Leather Skirt. As Harry and Draco collapsed, chests heaving against each other as they sought to regain their breath, still maintaining their death grip on the other, both boys found they were far too fagged to do anything other than pass out.

*

Harry was mildly disoriented when he woke, but very soon figured it all out when he looked down at the beautiful boy whom he, for the second time in his life, woke on top of. This time he looked on the boy with adoration. Draco was still sleeping, though Harry suspected that he was dreaming, as his long eyelashes kept fluttering against his cheek. Harry carefully disentangled himself from his recumbent boyfriend, mindful not to wake him. He then scanned the mess that they had left the night before, attempting to determine what he should bother collecting, as he couldn't hold onto everything. In the end, Harry decided on simply gathering his glasses, his and Draco's wands, and Draco. 

As Harry carried the delicate boy upstairs he was briefly concerned that he wouldn't be able to find Draco's bedroom, though it soon became apparent that he needn't have worried as his room definitely stood out from the rest as being the one decorated to the hilt. Kicking the door shut behind him, Harry made his way to the bed where he lovingly laid his boyfriend. Harry then proceeded to completely unlace both of Draco's boots from ankle to knee before realizing that they also zipped up the side and cursed silently to himself. Throwing the stupid (if not incredibly sexy) boots aside Harry moved to slip Draco's skirt down over his hips. Once he got the skirt all the way off, Harry finally realized the full extent of the damage done to the skirt during their lovemaking. If they weren't wizards, Harry was quite certain that Draco would have killed him. As it was, he cast a quick cleaning spell and the leather was as good as new. When Harry finally got Draco's turtleneck jumper over his head he cursed Draco once again for not having chosen a simpler button up shirt. Now eyeing his new boyfriend sleeping peacefully with the moonlight casting golden beams over his naked body, Harry decided that the effort was worth it. He paused for a moment, trying to decide whether to bother finding pajamas for Draco or not, but then decided that it would have definitely have too much trouble, considering that he'd probably have to turn on the light to do so and most likely wake Draco in the process. 

Harry shyly crawled into the bed next to his beautiful boyfriend and pulled the covers up over them. Glancing at the clock briefly before closing his eyes he saw that it was 12:01.

"Happy Christmas, Draco," Harry whispered as he placed a kiss on the boy's lips, which Harry felt for sure were smiling gently, even in his sleep. 

"Happy Christmas, Harry."

Harry jumped up in surprise and looked down at his boyfriend, who was indeed smiling, and staring up at him.

"Did I wake you?"

"Hmm, yes…. Quite a while ago actually," Draco answered with a guilty little smirk. Though Harry wasn't quite sure whether guilty was ever meant to describe the word smirk. "I woke up before you carried me upstairs, but you seemed to be so into the 'macho boyfriend' thing, that I didn't want to stop you."

"you're horrible, you know that don't you."

"Oh, don't tell me that you didn't enjoy all that. I know full well that _I_ enjoyed it."

"I don't know why I put up with you, honestly I don't." Harry shook his head in wonderment at the real piece of work that was his boyfriend.

"If you were to ask me, I'd say that you put up with me so that you can feel me up when I'm asleep." The smirk on Draco's face was not at all guilty now.

"I wasn't feeling you up!"

"Well why ever not!?"

Harry was thoroughly confused now.

"I'm just teasing you, Harry. I think that you're the most perfect boyfriend that anyone could ever wish for. I don't know a single other soul that would have done anything less that leave me there on the couch till morning, let alone have _unlaced_ my boots completely to get them off me! That's a true act of love!" 

"Yes, well, I didn't realize at the time that there was a zipper."

"Don't ruin it for me Harry! I prefer my delusional version where you were so overcome with the perfection of the moment that you wanted it to last as long as possible."

"Is that why you pretended to be asleep?"

"Maybe… It was all terribly romantic. I loved it when you carried me up the stairs. You puffed like a cow, you know."

"I did NOT!  
"I know," Draco said with a loving smile. 

"You are completely insane," Harry said, bending down to give his lover a kiss, "But I wouldn't have you any other way."

"Would you still have dated me if I were completely sane?"

"No, because then you wouldn't be Draco, and I'd be forced to scour the entire Wizarding world until I found the real you."

"Shit, this is a mushy conversation. Anyone would think that we were totally gone on each other."

"Now where would they get that idea?"

"I don't know. It's total bollocks, anyway. I can't stand the sight of you."

"Nor I you."

Draco leaned in for one more lingering kiss from Harry. The two lovers, wrapped in each other's arms, then settled down for a long winter's nap.

* * * *

AN: If you are all good little boys and girls and send lovely reviews, then Lady Doncaster shall give you all a next chapter within the NEXT WEEK! I know you don't believe me, but honestly, it's all written out in my head and I too am on Christmas Break, and I quit my job as well, so I can spend all the time I like writing fanfiction!

Gosh, I just realized that throughout this chapter I've successfully managed to spoof my own story, "Secrets"! I can't believe I did that!

PS: I also drew a third black and white drawing of Harry wearing nothing but his kilt, which is oddly enough, what inspired that scene in this chapter. If you want to see that too, let me know in your review, and I'll post a link in my next chapter. That is, of course, as long as it's okay with my friend FW-Viper, since it was specifically drawn for his viewing pleasure and he didn't post it with the rest of the pics I gave him. Although, I did draw them, so technically they are my pics whether my friend is shy about letting people see the pic he wanks off to or not. //laughs maniacally and then apologizes to FW_Viper for my being a psychotic and evil friend // Don't worry good people, he'll forgive me, he usually does. //blows FW_Viper kisses//

I love you all and have a Happy Christmas Break!


	10. In Which Draco Screams Like A Girl

AN: I am so fucking sorry. I know you all hate me and I'm a lying piece of shit and I'm really sorry, I had meant to get this out ages ago, but shit happens. For whatever stupid reason, I decided to accidentily come out to my mother and then she ended up telling everyone else in my family behind my back, and all in all, I ended up very much watched and wasn't allowed to spend very much time on my computer because my mother decided that spending quality time with the family would somehow make me stop being gay. I never figured out the reasoning behind that. But then school started and between trying to write a novel for my Adv. Fiction writing class and having the rest of my teachers give me about 500 pages of reading a week, I didn't find much time to write. So there you have it, if anyone cared.

The Christmas Party

Or: In Which Draco Screams Like A Girl

Harry wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but in the course of the events of Christmas morning, his plan had gone horribly wrong.

Well, not horribly wrong, per se, because there was nothing horrible at all with what Draco was doing to him at that moment. 

"Draco! Oh god! Fuck yes! Shit! Draco!"

"I never thought of you, Harry, as the type of person…..ungh….. to be reduced to a string of expletives while being….ah…. fucked."

"It just….oh god…….comes naturally when I say your name, Draco. Fuck!"

At any rate, Harry was very pleased that the present he gave Draco was well received, even if the outcome of said present wasn't what he had expected. Well, naturally Draco was confused at first. Who could blame the boy? When told his present is something to wear, he rarely expects that it will come in a glass jar. But Harry soon set him right, and showed him how best to wear honey. He then proceeded to show how best to take it off. Oh yes, Draco definitely liked his present. 

The plan, though, was to reduce Draco to a quivering pile of Jelly simply begging to be fucked by Harry. Harry honestly did believe that his plan was working quite well for some time and was greatly encouraged. His false hope in his plan is most likely what caused him to be caught so off his guard.

Harry had assumed that when a young lad is lying on his back, screaming "God, Harry, I want you now," while having honey licked off of his netherest of regions, that he would most likely be begging to be fucked. Harry decided that perhaps he needed a "Draco to English" dictionary. 

The force with which Draco leapt at Harry was so great and Harry was caught so unawares, that they both fell off the bed, onto the floor, and in the midst of discarded Christmas wrapping paper and bows. It was all so sudden that Harry barely had time to thank whomever it was that watched out for him that he'd managed to lick all the honey off of Draco's dick before it was rammed up his ass. Even with a lubrication spell, Harry didn't think that he wanted to be fucked with a honey covered cock.

Wrapping paper, tissue, and ribbons went flying everywhere as the two boys rutted wildly on the floor. Harry had to admit that at the moment, he really couldn't remember why he ever thought it was important that he be on top. 

Harry somehow managed to maneuver himself to that his feet were propped up on the bed, thus allowing him to raise his hips up to meet Draco's every thrust and be penetrated all the deeper. 

"Oh Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

"I am! I am!"

"Jesus Christ, Draco! Just keep doing it!"

Harry's whole body was shuddering every time his ass was penetrated, deeper and deeper by his boyfriend and his obscenities were being screamed louder and louder.

As much as he really really loved fucking Harry, Draco was beginning to have second thoughts about not letting Harry fuck him. He had never seen anything more spectacular that Harry being fucked. His face wreathed in ecstasy, his whole body convulsing, his breathing coming out in quick rhythmic bursts, his entire being begging and seeking for more. Draco was incredibly jealous. 

"Oh God! Yes! Draco!" Although Harry was trashing about so wildly and his breathing was so ragged with lust that it's only a rough estimate that those were his words at that moment.

As Harry's orgasm hit him, he felt it not only in his balls but in the violent shuddering of his entire body. He wasn't sure now that he'd ever let Draco have a chance at the bottom. 

At the same time, Harry felt the warm wetness of Draco's own climax spill deep within him. The two boys felt entirely boneless as they collapsed in a panting heap.

"Holy Fuck."

"That….was an awesome Christmas present, Harry."

"You're welcome…."

It was quite a while before the two boys managed to get up. They definitely missed breakfast.

*

"I'm not saying I didn't like it; believe me, I'm not saying anything of the sort. I'm just saying that you could have done a better job of licking off the honey."

After a great deal of effort, Draco had finally managed to carry Harry into the shower and they were currently standing under a stream of hot water in an effort to get unstuck. Honey and semen is a lethal combination when left unattended. 

"Well I was doing the best I could and I honestly didn't anticipate you jumping me like that."

"What did you think was going to happen?"

"The plan was that _I_ was going to fuck _you_. It's not my fault that you were so impatient that you couldn't wait to take your turn."

Finally they began to come unstuck and Harry slid down his boyfriend, thankful when his feet once more reached the ground. 

"Well in the future, lover, remember that it's _always_ my turn." To prove his point, Draco grabbed Harry's shoulders and turned him around to face the shower wall. Noticing that neither of them had their wands with them in the shower, Draco grabbed one of the shampoo bottles on the floor and poured a generous amount into the palm of his hand.

Draco began to use his fingers to coat the inside of Harry's ass. Harry barely needed, stretching, though, as he was already completely relaxed.

"You may want to grab hold of the shower railing, Harry."

Harry laughed at the suggestion, but found it immediately to be a good idea as soon as he felt Draco's cock buried in his ass for the second time in less than as many hours. Harry's knees went completely limp and he wondered where Draco found the energy to pound into him with that much force. Though Harry had to be supported by Draco in addition to gripping hold of the shower railing for dear life, he still had an incredible amount of power in his lungs and the whole bathroom echoed with Harry's enthusiastic shouts of ecstasy.

When both boys were spent, Draco had to further exert himself by dragging his boyfriend out of the shower as Harry's legs apparently refused to work. 

"What's wrong with you?" Draco asked, looking down at his boyfriend lying on the bathroom floor.

"You have _no_ idea," Harry responded in a dazed manner and with a grin worthy of a cat who'd fallen into a whole vat of cream.

Draco began pondering how he convince Harry to fuck him without looking like he was begging.

*

Harry's Dick was beginning to become quite perplexed. None of his plans had worked so far and he was running out of any ideas that could possibly outweigh Harry's apparent joy at taking it up the ass.. At this rate, Harry's Dick thought miserably, he was never going to get some. Harry's Ass told Harry's Dick to get over himself and to stop complaining. Harry's Dick considered telling Harry's Ass to go fuck himself, but he wasn't at all sure how that would work, so he remained silent.

*

By some miracle, Harry and Draco actually managed to make it to lunch on time. Well, almost on time. Fucking in the stairwell on the way there had taken more time than they had anticipated. 

They arrived only a few minutes late, though. Draco tried to get Harry to stop grinning like an idiot, but he wouldn't. Draco could only pray that no one would notice how thoroughly well fucked Harry looked. Judging, though, by the snickers coming from the two Ravenclaws, it was ridiculously obvious. 

"So Harry," one of the Ravelclaws leaned over to whisper, "It looks like Draco really puts out."

Draco strained to lean closer, but he couldn't hear what the boy had said. Harry just grinned even wider.

"Elliot and I," the Ravenclaw said indicating to his housemate, "were just betting that Draco must have a seriously fine ass to keep you from Breakfast this morning."

Draco did hear that comment, however.

"Excuse me, but I assure you, it was Harry's fine ass that kept the two of us away from Breakfast this morning!"

"Whatever," the Ravelclaw said with a laugh. 

"Are you saying you don't believe me?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying," replied the Ravenclaw with a death wish who very quickly found himself grabbed by the collar and pulled out of his chair.

"Draco, just leave it."

"I will not. This twerp owes me an apology. And I should very well think, Harry, that as my boyfriend you should come to my defense!"

"Why should I?" Harry said, starting to get irritated. "There's nothing wrong with being a bottom."

"Hah! There you go!" said the Ravenclaw. "Harry just admitted to the fact that you're the bottom in the relationship!" It should be noted that the Ravenclaws had ten Galleons riding on Draco being the bottom. The Hufflepuffs, for whatever reason, seemed convinced that he was a top.

"Harry implied no such thing! Harry tell them the truth."

Harry refused to answer, however, as he was quite offended that Draco seemed to think being on the bottom was such an appalling thing. Harry had been perfectly content being the bottom, thank you very much, until Draco started making a fuss.

"Draco sit down, you're making a scene and you're simply encouraging them to pry even deeper into what I had assumed you considered your own personal business. If you don't want to talk about your sex life then don't."

"But Harry…"

"I said stop it, Draco. Otherwise you won't have a sex life to talk _about_!"

Draco sneered, yet set the Ravelclaw down and followed Harry's orders.

"Draco is _so_ the bottom," Elliot whispered to his friend. 

At the end of lunch Dumbledore stood up and announced that there was to be a special Christmas party that evening.

"And I very much hope that all of you will manage to be there," Dumbledore pointedly looked over at Harry and Draco. "And it's formal, so you can all dress up however you choose." Another pointed look was then given directly to Draco, which made him rather irritated. 

As Harry and Draco walked out of the Great Hall, Draco glared at the two Ravenclaws who where whispering to each other in a conspiring manner, which made Draco even more irritated.

"Those Ravenclaws bug me," Draco said when they were back in the Slytherin dorms.

"That's just cause you let them bug you."

"But I'm serious, Harry! I think those two pricks have got it out for me!"

"They only tease you because they know they can get a rise out of you. You're a Slytherin, you should know all about that sort of thing."

"To be used on others, not on me!"

"Well, you want to know my opinion? I think you need to get over yourself."

"Hey, you're my boyfriend, you can't say things like that to me?"

"Oh can't I? I didn't think you were being at all nice to me during lunch, so I think that gives me to say whatever I want to say to you."

"How was I not being nice to you?! That's completely ludicrous!"

"You were implying, rather strongly that there was something seriously demeaning about being a bottom, and that offended me greatly. I let you fuck me three times this morning and I saw nothing wrong about it at all. Are you implying that I'm inferior to you because of that?"

"Well, you know the stereotypes of bottoms. They're always seen as the submissive one. The girl in the relationship."

"So you're saying that I'm the girl? cause if I remember correctly, you're the one who wears skirts."

"No, I'm not saying that. It's just that….all those people already think that I am a girl and it's really embarrassing. If they think I'm the bottom, then I'll never live it down! Nobody would ever accuse you of being a girl, so you have no idea what it's like for me. I mean, obviously they all assume that I'm the bottom simply because they think I'm a girl!"

Harry was seriously tempted to further chastise his boyfriend, but the fact that Draco was starting to cry made his heart soften a little. Draco did, after all, have some very deep seated issues and a very delicate nature. Harry sighed and crossed the room to put his arms around his boyfriend.

"Look Draco, I'm sorry. You're right, they do all single you out to be picked on and it isn't fair. I mean, there's no reason at all for them to pick on you based on their assumptions of our sexual positions. I was being insensitive. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? I'll do whatever you want, whatever will make you happy."

Harry cringed when he saw Draco immediately perk up.

*

"You have so got to be fucking kidding me."

Harry was seriously beginning to consider his relationship with Draco to be _too_ interesting. 

"I honestly don't believe this goes according to the dress code, Draco."

"Harry, I've told you, Dumbledore said we could wear _whatever_ we wanted."

"But I really don't think he had _this_ in mind."

"Of course he didn't. This in a one of a kind original; he'd have never seen it before."

"But Draco, it's thoroughly indecent!"

"You call that indecent? It's solid black from your neck to your ankles! You look like a freaking nun!"

"Have you ever seen a nun before? I assure you, they wouldn't wear this."

"You're completely over exaggerating. I'm beginning to think that you don't want to be my boyfriend. And I thought you cared!" Draco began crying again. 

"Oh for fucks sake! If it means that much to you I'll wear it. But it I get expelled, I'm taking you with me!"

*

"Holy Shit!"

"Severus, please control your language in front of the children."

"But Albus, have you seen Harry?"

Dumbledore glanced towards the entrance to the Great Hall where Harry and Draco had just entered.

"Fucking Hell."

Harry and Draco appeared to be having a bit of a tiff at the door. Harry apparently wanted to hide behind Draco and Draco seemed disinclined to let him. When Draco finally pushed Harry away from him and towards the center of the room where the rest of the party was gathered, it became perfectly obvious why The-Boy-Who-Lived was suddenly shy.

The dress was black and did indeed go from his neck to his ankles…in the front. The back of his dress had what Draco referred to as a "Keyhole opening," although Harry considered it completely misnamed. There basically was no back, it was an opening that stretched from the back of his neck where there was enough material to keep it from falling off, and then all the way down his back, stopping only barely before it reached the cleft of Harry's ass. Truth be told, it did show Harry's ass, but as Harry failed to notice it, Draco didn't feel inclined to inform him. Both sided of the skirt were slit all the way up his legs, stopping just above his hip bone. If one were looking at Harry head on and he weren't moving at all, one might consider his dress to be thoroughly decent. If one were also standing in pitch darkness. The dress was made out of a very lightweight silk that had the added benefit of being almost entirely sheer making it perfectly obvious that Harry wasn't wearing any underpants.

"Minerva, get me a drink."

"Of course, Albus."

The twinkle in Dumbledore's eye suddenly developed a twitch.

* 

At first Draco and Harry had difficulty realizing exactly what was going on. Everyone had been staring at Harry from the moment he walked in the door, so when everyone continued to do so, they couldn't very well mark it as a noticeable difference in their behavior. Slowly but surely, the differences started to become more pronounced. Everyone was noticeably more affectionate after a while, both to Harry and to each other. It was when they became affectionate to each other that Harry and Draco began to suspect that there was something amiss. 

The final conformation that there was something seriously wrong with the population of Hogwarts was when Madame Hooch walked up to Harry, lifted the front of Harry's skirt, said "shit, it's wasn't a trick of the light," and then promptly turned on her heals in order to ravish Professor Trewlany instead.

Draco had been spending quite a bit of his time trying to fight off Harry's numerous admirers. One by one, everyone approached him and tried to have there nasty little way with him. Most of them walked away with a bloody lip thanks to Draco. Dumbledore, however didn't seem to take no as an answer very easily, so he walked away (barely) with a kick in the groin.

"I think there's definitely something screwy going on here, Harry."

"The headmaster just groped me…."

"This isn't a normal bout of drunken merriment, mark my words."

"He just walked right up and grabbed my balls……"

"I suspect there's magic afoot."

"Are you listening to me, Draco? Headmaster Dumbledore came up to me, lifted my skirt, and gave my testicles a going over!"

"I know Harry. I already kicked him in the groin for it. What more do you want me to do about it?"

"I need a drink."

"You've got it."

*

"Yes, I definitely think it's the punch."

"Oh God, Draco, I couldn't give a shit. Oh fuck, yes, right there…."

*

Severus Snape was severely put out. He was no fool; he knew how to identify potions by taste. Of course, identifying them by smell would be more useful the long run, but what can you do? The whole fucking school was under a rather strong aphrodisiac, including himself, and he was sitting alone in the corner having a wank. Typical. 

Snape glanced out over the Great Hall. Everyone had someone except for him. It just wasn't fair. Minerva was making out with Hagrid (Snape made a mental note not to look back there later on). Hooch had her face buried in Trewlany's crotch. The headmaster appeared to be sitting by himself at one of the tables, but by the look on his face there was someone underneath the table between his legs. In the center of the room were the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs in a naked heap, all "experimenting" en masse. 

His breathing sped up a bit and his hand started moving even faster at the sight of the foursome in the middle of the room, but Snape didn't want to be the fifth wheel. His eyes moved on, yet stopped when the reached a very interesting sight at the head table.

"Now that's something I'd be interested in," he muttered to himself as he came with great force all over his dress robes. "These robes are ruined anyway." Snape began to unbutton his robes.

*

"Oh God Harry, just hurry up already."

"I can't find my wand."

"Harry if your cock isn't in my ass in two seconds, I swear to God….!"

"But I don't have a lubricant!"

"Oh for fucks sake! This is why I'm supposed to be the one on the top!"

Harry was firmly shoved off of Draco and onto his back. Draco reached down from the table and grabbed his own wand from out of the pile of his discarded clothes which lay on the floor. With a surprising amount of dexterity, Draco rammed the wand up his own ass a performed a lubrication spell. He then flipped the front of Harry's dress up towards his chest, exposing his gorgeous erection. 

With a relieved shriek , Draco sat all the way down on Harry's cock and began fucking himself quite thoroughly. At Draco's piercing screams of ecstasy quite a few heads turned in order to see the all too captivating display of the Prince Of Slytherin impaling himself over and over on Gryffindor's Golden Boy. The curious foursome watched quite intently and silently wished they'd brought parchment for taking notes.

Harry and Draco were completely oblivious, of course. Somehow it hadn't occurred to them that Draco Malfoy screaming like a girl would attract the attention of everyone within a five mile radius. They just continued their fucking until they at one point changed positions, somehow removed Harry's dress, and fucked some more. Draco just seemed to scream all the louder until he finally climaxed and decided that there was very little chance that Harry was ever going to get a turn at the bottom again. 

"Harry, as soon as I'm done passing out, we're doing that again."

"Sure thing."

Having decided that the exhibition on the head table was over, all eyes turned away and everyone continued their own rampant fucking until they too all passed out as well.

*

The problem with an aphrodisiac potion, as opposed to alcohol, is that while you don't have the bothersome problem of a hangover, you have the most painful fact that you do remember absolutely everything you did the night before. If vomiting occurs, it is usually an emotional response than a physical one.

One by one, everyone in the Great Hall woke up early on Boxing day morning and gazed curiously at whomever it was that they were entangled with. Some vomiting did occur. The naked pile of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, however, seemed surprisingly comfortable with the extremely intimate way they woke up, wrapped around each other. 

Harry and Draco's reaction upon waking in the morning, however, had nothing to do with the company.

"I can't believe I let you fuck me on the head table in front of everyone."

"Well, you were quite insistent about the whole thing."

"Oh God." Draco looked out across the Great Hall and wished he hadn't. "That is wrong in so many ways."

Slowly everyone started putting their clothes while trying desperately not to look out at anyone else. Except for the curious foursome, of course, they had a grand old time getting an eye full, sick little voyeurs that they are.

"Draco, I can't find my dress."

"What's with you? Do I have to do everything for you?"

"I mean it. My dress is gone. I can't find it anywhere."

"Harry Potter, I know where your dress is."

Harry looked up to see that he was being addressed by a naked little Hufflepuff.

"Well where is it then?"

"One of the teachers took it."

"what? You mean it was confiscated?"

"No. I think you should have a look for yourself."

Harry didn't have the silly little Hufflepuff's self confidence in order to prance about completely naked, so he grabbed his now fully dressed boyfriend whom he forced to walk very closely in front of him as he followed the bare Hufflepuff ass across the Great Hall.

"Look, see!"

"Jesus. Fucking. Christ."

"I don't believe it."

Soon there was a fairly substantial sized crowd gathering in the North East corner of the Great Hall trying to see what the commotion was about.

"Merlin's Ball's! Severus! Wake up man!"

"Fuck off! I'm trying to sleep!"

"No, I really think it's time for you to get up now."

A very irritable Severus Snape crawled up off the ground and turned to glare at the crowd of people who were all staring openly at him.

"What on earth is wrong with you people?"

But nobody answered, they were far too busy gaping at the potion's master. It was nearly impossible to believe, but it honestly appeared to be true that Severus Snape looked even hotter in the sheer black dress than Harry did.

"Holy Fuck, Harry. Stop perving on your professor," Draco whispered very sharply over his shoulder.

"I'm not perving on him!"

"For Christ's sake Harry, your goddammed erection is shoved up against my ass. You think I can't feel that?"

"I thought that's where you liked my erection?"

"Oh God."

"You know, who gives a fuck about the bloody dress? Professor keep it if you want, I haven't got time to swap clothes."

With that Harry and Draco ran out of the Great Hall. Although, judging by the volume of the high pitched shrieks, they didn't get very far at all.


End file.
